Monday, August 31, 2015

Romantic Comedies Are Not Real Life!!!

I decided this weekend I wanted to watch movies and make use of my Netflix…I have been paying for Netflix for a really long time but I hardly ever use it.

Now, I already know I am a hopeless romantic and everything seems to make me think about Love & Marriage (sing in the tune of the Married with Children theme song) so seeing as how I am not there or even close I should probably not watch romantic comedies right?? WRONG I watched 3 this weekend LOL!

I watched Beyond the Lights, November Rules, & Four Seasons and they were all the same:

·         Girl/boy fall in love

·         Something happens they break up

·         And then they get back together and live happily ever after

Umm not my reality. Yet I keep watching these movies and then I’m like where is my happily ever after but no I get GAINGSTA’s!!

I decided if I insist on continuing to watch this stuff somebody needs to tell her (me) this is not reality and this is not how relationships or life in general really work.

Somebody help her because she watches this stuff and then gets all excited and think this is my future and then…NOTHING!

Until I can learn to live in reality I need to stop watching romantic comedies…I need to stop being scary because it seems horror movies should be my thing. At least until Mr. Right finds me.

But who am I kidding I will probably watch another one soon LOL!


Almost 40

Friday, August 28, 2015

Confession Friday…My Flaws!!

I haven’t confessed in a while so it was time LOL!

Kierra Sheard has a song called My Flaws if you don’t know it click the link below you will definitely be blessed.

Here’s a little bit of it:
Sometimes I talk a little too much
Don't listen enough
Sometimes it's way too easy for me to beat myself up
Sometimes I hate the way I look when I look in the mirror
One look from you I know

My flaws
You love, you love my flaws
Think they make me beautiful
You don't see them as flaws at all
That's why
That's why, that's why I love you
Cause you are, you are the one who
The one who loves my flaws

She performed it last week on Sunday Best and it resonated with me because at the time I was not thinking I look my best because my new hair didn’t do what I wanted it to do (no judgment) so I didn’t feel pretty.

 I always feel better about myself when I feel like my hair is on point and my outfit is right but when I heard this song it just reminded me that God loves me no matter what and I should love myself just the same.

I am always finding things mainly physically that I think if I change them men will start approaching me. But that is no way to think or feel.

In addition to that a man doesn’t want to hear me critique myself…men like a confident woman.

Please understand I’m not beating myself up daily but I think I am hard on myself at times and it is something I want/need to work on.

As I am growing on this journey to 40 I am adding something else to my list and that is to really, truly love myself flaws and all. And not beat myself up for what some may see as an imperfection. I was created just the way He wanted me to be.

There are a lot of things I am learning that I need to work on…as much as I want/hope this blog is helping someone it is helping me in more ways than I ever imagined.

At the end of the day I want to be truly and completely happy with myself and I think 40 is a good age to get there.

So, I’m working on it…stay tuned there is definitely more to come.


Almost 40

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

To Online Date Or Not…

It seems online dating is becoming the norm and I know people have met their true loves online so I know it works.

I was/am very hesitant about it…in my head Michael Myers, Jason, or Jeffrey Dahmer is who I would meet. I know extreme but this blog is my thoughts and my truth LOL.

Even though I was hesitant I said well nothing else is working so I should at least give it a shot.

First I tried Tinder OMG it was bad, it is just for hook-ups and I am to old for that. I want to be courted.

I heard some good things about Plenty of Fish and I have a friend who found her true soul mate so I sucked it up and said let’s try it.

Ummm I kept wondering if these men were even reading my profile…I have never said or felt like I had to have a man who had a degree, made more money than me etc. but the men that were in boxing me WOW!

I literally had a dude that his profile pic was a picture of right? He DID NOT have on a shirt and GAINGSTA was tattooed across his chest. And before you say it, NO THIS IS NOT A TYPO that is how it was spelled WTH.

I’m like is this it…is this what is left for me? I have to date a GAINGSTA in real life. Picture me crying real tears.

I’m not knocking online dating but it just didn’t work for me…I was told to give it sometime but I don’t know if I can.

Do you think the one is out there online just waiting on me to log back in…hmmm.


Almost 40

Monday, August 24, 2015

It’s Not Just Me!!!

A lot of times I feel like I’m the only woman almost 40 and single. Realistically, I know that’s not true but that’s how I feel ALL the time.

I had an awesome chat with some ladies that were all around the same age and they echoed all of my thoughts and feelings.

It was a good feeling to know that I’m not alone but at the same time I had a bit of sadness because all of these women were me…educated, with careers, and beautiful (not being cocky but on a good day I'm not bad on the eyes) so I’m like what is going on.

At least if it were just me then I could really look within and figure out why me, why am I the only one and I could also have more hope.

But when it’s a group I’m like well heck am I destined for singleness.

Then of course it makes me go back to what is God’s plan for me…my plan was/is to be with someone until death do us part and to procreate but I’m not so sure that’s His.

Then I wondered what is going on with the men because clearly if there are single women there have to be some single men too. I have heard that men are intimidated but come on I don’t believe that…well there may be some but still.

There has to be a reason why myself and all these ladies are single is it God’s will or are we doing something wrong. Or is it really not time? And if so when is it time…I’m not getting any younger!

I need this all figured out by 40…well I hope.              


Almost 40

Friday, August 21, 2015

What Happens At 40???

So, someone asked me what happens to the blog once I turn 40… what I heard…what happens if at 40 you are still single and childless then what?
See my face below:
I seriously have NO IDEA!


This is where this whole faith and let go, let God should come in right?

So, if that hasn’t worked then my 40th birthday party will be the biggest pity party ever in life. And the new title of the blog will be “40 And Over It” LOL!

This is my second mile stone birthday…the first was when I turned 30.

 I was super sad because if you remember my “plan” I should have been married with kids. So, I OVERCOMPENSATED to make myself feel better.

I went to grad school, bought a new car, and a house.

Did I feel better? For the moment but it was just a band aid it still didn’t take away the desires of my heart.

But you know that because if it did I wouldn’t have so much to say in this blog but for the moment it worked…I guess.

If I am not at peace with where my life is at 40 here comes a new car and a bigger house…no school I’m over that. I’m not that sad about 40 LOL!

So, I have 630 days to let go and let God or make sure my credit is on point.

Stick with me to see how this turns out!


Almost 40

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Vegas Was…

I’m back from vacation and it was great. I have no complaints I think we did Vegas just as we should.
                                    Check out some pics!

Now as we know what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas but I mean come on I have diarrhea of the mouth so I can’t keep everything in LOL!
I am always envious of my friends who seem so free …it always seems like I’m uptight ugh!
I think or I hope I opened up more! I enjoyed myself and tried to just be free.
I think my main issue is I am concerned with how people view me. I know I shouldn't care but I do. 
I think growing up in Chattanooga my parents and brother knew everybody. I couldn’t walk down the street without someone saying I saw your daughter or your sister made me this way. 
I was afraid to do anything because I knew my parents or brother would find out so I had to be a good girl unfortunately or fortunately I am still that girl at almost 40.
I’m not saying I’m trying to be on the Bad Girls Club but I want to be the girl to dance like no one is watching, love like I’ll never be hurt, sing like nobody is listening and not give a damn if they are.
I’m not so sure if I will ever become her but I think there is hope. I have watched my mother blossom and she has become more assertive as she has gotten older so maybe there is hope.
I always hear people say as you get older the less you care about what others think and you get more comfortable with yourself so my hope is that this journey to 40 will help me open up and become the woman I imagine myself to be.
I have 632 days to get there LOL!
Almost 40

Friday, August 14, 2015

Vegas Baby!! Can I Be That Girl Or Not…That Is The Question!

My vacation starts NOW…woo hoo! I am so ready I need a break…feeling burnt out and just need to chill out, have fun and not think about work, being single, babies, or prospects just a good ol trip with my girls.

The last time I went to Vegas I was in my 20’s it was my first real vacation without my parents…it was just me and a friend and we had a great time but I’m excited about going with this group because our trips are always a blast.

I have told you guys I am super shy and kind of lame but my plan this trip is to try and open up, not be so self-conscious and concerned about what people think about me and just have fun.

I mean I am almost 40 it’s time right LOL!

I want to be that girl who just goes for it, I really do

Elle Varner has a song “Not Tonight” and it is one of my favorite songs if you don’t know it google it, YouTube it right now it’s awesome and it describes me perfectly.

 I will not post the whole song but this is by far my favorite verse because it is what I think every time I see a guy I am interested in…literally every time. I know SMH!

“But maybe, maybe in another life
I could be the girl who walks up to the guy
And tells him, tells him how she feels inside
But, not tonight, no not tonight”

Well maybe one of these nights in Vegas I will be that girl and not care if he shoots me down…maybe!

At the end of the day I plan to have a great trip and make new memories with my crew and in the process get some courage…I’ll let you know how it turns out so keep reading! Or not I mean what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas Haaa!


Almost 40

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Let’s Talk About Sex…Thoughts From A Single Dude And Me of Course Part 4!

SEX seems to be the most important thing in relationships…well especially in the beginning.

The truth is I’m super old fashion (I know shocker) so I feel like if I sleep with a guy to quick he will think I’m a slut or I guess the new word a THOT.

 I know myself and I fall in like so quickly so I am not about that casual sex life…no judgment it’s just not for me.

I don’t necessarily think you have to be married to have sex but I also think it should be somebody who I can see myself being with for longer than a day. Not a wham, bam, thank you sir!

I often feel this is one of the reasons I am single… I have had guys that disappeared as soon as I wouldn’t sleep with them so it leads me to believe I may be on to something.

Steve Harvey has made a killing off of his book and one of the things he constantly says is a woman should wait 90 days before she sleeps with a man.

I have heard some people say we are grown it doesn’t matter when you do it if a guy is interested he will still be after the fact.

I wanted to hear how a man feels about this so I asked how long is to long and is there a time limit?

Him: -I don’t necessarily think there is such a thing as too long or a wait time. It really depends on your reasoning for waiting to put out. If you wait 90 days to put out so you can get to know him, he can easily turn into a scumbag that 91st day and show his true colors. Me personally I don't care for time limits. We're both adults, let’s go with the flow. Giving it up the first night doesn't make you a heaux at all.    

Hmmm, he makes a valid point it takes time for someone’s true colors to come out so I get that.  

I think this is one of those things that just has to feel right FOR YOU.

I think FOR ME when determining when to sleep with a guy I think about how I would feel the next day if he doesn’t call.

You all would probably have a month full of woe is me blog post and I would eat all the cake and carbs I could find.

So, I think I should stick to really getting to know someone before we take it any further and I don’t have a time-frame I just think it’s a feeling. I just have to hope there is a guy out there who understands that.

Ask me again at 40…who knows LOL!


Almost 40

Monday, August 10, 2015

Just Thankful Today!

The last couple of weeks I have been having what is wrong with me moments…not woe is me or I’m sad but just trying to figure out why not me.

This is not a good place… I do live in my feelings but these are feelings I do not want or need to have because at the end of the day I will never know and really does it matter? When it’s for me it will be for me.

Anyhoo I went to see my parents this weekend and got to spend a lot of time just talking to them. Not about anything in particular but just chatting.

I got to catch up with my older nephew for a while. 

When I went up to my room I had a coca cola can with my name on it my brother had made for me…I have been wanting one because you know CaNesha was never going to be on one.

Before I left I swear my mother gave me enough food for a month or longer.

I say all of that to say this…I may not have what I want and who knows if/when I will get it but as I was driving back home I thought about just how blessed I am and how some people would love to have the weekend I had.

None of this was major but it was all things that let me know how loved I am and I really do have a lot.

Life is a roller coaster for me now on this journey to 40 literally but a weekend like I just had makes me appreciate what I do have.

Mr. Right may come one day but for now I still have a lot of love surrounding me so today I am just thankful!


Almost 40

Friday, August 7, 2015

Jill Has Me Looking For The One Who Makes Me Glow…

I am waiting patiently (not really) on my Mr. Right but now thanks to Jill my Mr. Right has to make me glow or he is not the one. Dang you Jill LOL!

I was watching her special on BET and she spoke about meeting someone & how it all unfolds or should. It was pretty awesome!

And yes this is pretty much verbatim because I watched it A LOT because I wanted to share it and get it right…it was just to good not to.

“When it comes to meeting someone allowing them to come into your life and build with you and make you just radiate energy everywhere you go. Part of it is cosmic, I really believe it…part of it is cosmic.

And then you have to reveal not every heartache, not every broken but who you are with no holds barred this is who I am and you listen to who they are and you say okay everybody has issues are these things I want to deal with or not and be honest about that.

And then the friendship it is massive, communication is massive. Got to be a homey! And then you still might not find the one that makes you glow.

But that’s what we are waiting for, waiting on the one that makes us glow.

It’s unfair to slight yourself on that.                 

We’re talking love, love, love, love, its real, it’s pretty, it’s fun, it’s cool, it’s sexy, it’s helpful, and it’s patient”

A friend once told me she wrote a list of what she wanted and prayed on that list and not to soon after she met the man who is now her husband.

This will be my list…it’s the love I want and deserve and although I have & probably will blog more about wanting to be married and have kids I will not slight myself. I’m waiting for it so when you see me walking around here glowing know I GOT IT!!


Almost 40

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Thoughts From a Single Man and Me of Course…Part 3!

I feel it in my spirit that a date is coming…I mean I have an awesome dress (or dresses SMH), cute shoes, new hair coming this weekend so I’m ready LOL!

With that being said I needed some advice on what to do because it’s been a really, really LONG time since I’ve had a date. Cue the violin!

I need to know how I can be impressive on a first date.

Him: Conversation and not being all uptight. Someone that is very engaged & just not letting me carry the date.

Me: Hmmm I am a talker but as I said before I am super shy. This journey to 40 has to get me out of that ASAP geez.

So, when I'm nervous one of two things happen. Either I just don't say anything or I can't stop talking. Which I assume could be pretty bad. So, basically when I’m nervous I’m either quiet or I talk to much there is no in between.

I asked how do you expect the conversation to go on the first date.

Him: The typical getting to know one another, likes, dislikes, career goals, travel goals, life goals. What are you looking for in dating? Are you looking for a potential mate or just someone to hang out with & no commitment anytime soon?  

Me:  I think I can handle that…not to hard at all. Heck I can just point him to the blog. Well, maybe not he may freak out LOL!

Now not that I would ever be this…but I know I have some readers who are very confident and go after what they like so I asked if a woman being the aggressor is attractive or unattractive?

Him: Certainly attractive but know when I'm not interested and cease pursuing me

Me: This will probably never be me but I hope it was helpful to someone.

In case you were wondering there are no prospects but I just feel like it’s time and I am keeping hope alive. Pray for me…if we all touch and agree it just might happen!

There is still a bit more from the single guy which includes two questions I think every woman should know no matter what your age so stay tune for part 4!


Almost 40

Monday, August 3, 2015

Am I Marriageable?

These daily devotionals are speaking to me…here is a snippet from another one:

“Are you marriageable? Are you growing in maturity…growing in the qualities that matter regardless of your relationship status?”

My answer to that I HAVE NO IDEA!

It’s clear to the whole world I want to be married I don’t think that’s a secret but I have never really thought am I marriageable I just assumed I was.

You know I love definitions so I looked it up:

Marriageable- Fit, Suitable, or attractive for marriage, especially in being of the right age

I am taking “in being of the right age” as legal age…you can’t put an age limit on marriage.

Did the definition help me…NOPE!

Here’s the thing, my parents started dating when they were 15, and they were married as soon as they were legal and are still together.

My brother has been with his wife well over 10 years.

Heck, my nephew now has been in a relationship longer than I ever have and he is early 20’s. SMH!

I have all of this love around me yet I am just sitting here praying, wishing, blogging about finding love. What is wrong with this picture?

I agree with Forest Gump when he said life is like a box a chocolates you never know what you are going to get.

I want to think I am marriageable and that I would make an excellent wife. If I’m being honest if I would have gotten married in my 20’s I am sure I would have been divorced in my 20’s LOL!

I know I wasn’t ready then although I wanted it but I’m ready now or I think.

I always hear married people say marriage is hard & it is work. Well, I’m a hard worker so let’s go.

If I am sticking with the let go and let God then I think God is still preparing me and my Mr. Right and when he sees that we are both marriageable he will put us together.

This is my story and I’m sticking to it.

Now somebody remind me of this when I start having my woe is me moments please and thank you. Although, I may ignore you and have my moment anyway but at least you tried LOL!


Almost 40