Friday, June 9, 2017

You Really Don’t Have Any Kids???

I met this woman a couple of weeks ago at work and she was drilling me…all in my business. It’s work so you have to answer nicely and fake smile. She finally got around to asking how old was I, I told her, and the next question do you have kids and I just simply said "not yet." Her reaction was priceless and she said a couple of times...”you really don’t have any kids.”

My face when I was asked!
Non-work CaNesha wanted to say why exactly would I lie but CaNesha who has bills and enjoys nice things just said "not yet…"again. I am sharing this for two reasons.

First, people have to STOP treating women who don’t have kids like it’s a disease. There are so many reasons women do not have kids and it is really none of your business. Worry about yourself! My dad always says if you spend 100% of your time focusing on you and your business there isn’t any time left to worry about others. Say it with me…WORRY ABOUT YOURSELF!

The other reason I am sharing is because of my response and my reaction after the conversation. I have typically felt like I needed to explain, give the spill…"Yes, I would like kids, but I would like a date first, and then a husband...yeah, a husband would be good."


Instead I just said "not yet." Those two words may not sound like much to some but to me it showed growth. If you remember my new prayer from the last post, part of it said “Move me into a place of acceptance…not accepting that it’s not going to happen but accepting where I am right now.” I don’t know God’s plans for my life but I am finally starting to get to a place to accept that HE is working and I just need to be patient…it is very hard but I’m working on it every day.

I am also proud of myself because after the conversation I went on about my day. There was a time when I would have had a major WOE is Me Moment and bought a cupcake but I didn’t. I would be lying if I said I didn’t think about it, I mean here is a post about it, but I thought about it differently.

I thought about the women in my age group who don’t have kids and have been asked this question too many times. I thought about women who have been asked this question after having a miscarriage. I thought about women who are asked this question after finding out they can never have kids. I thought about all of uswomen who want to be moms but for whatever reason it has not happened...yet. The operative word here is YET!

My hope with this post is that people stop asking. I know the majority of people don’t mean anything by it but we truly never know what a person is going through. So, always...always try and be conscious of that. As a woman who has wanted to be a mom, I don’t care who it comes from or how they ask; it always stings just a bit.

I want to add that I am very proud of myself for how I handled that situation! If you have been following my blog then you know that I have been preaching growth FOREVER, and now I think I am finally  on the right path. It only took 40 years LOL!



Signed,

I’m Really 40 and I Don’t Have Kids Yet

8 comments:

  1. WHY do people have to say anything? Why can't women just live?

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    1. I totally agree...hopefully one day people will see it our way. Thanks so much for reading!

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  2. Why is not having children people see you as not being a nurturer!! As an educator, I get this question every school year. I refused to give the real reason why I do not have child. It is a personal and private matter for me. I would not ask another woman why she does not have children. It is RUDE!!!

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    1. Very rude. People need to understand that everyone has a story and it's none of your business. Thanks so much for reading.

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  3. I'm 37, married 8+ years, NO kids and I get this question/response often. Yes, it does sting a little, but it's no longer a breakdown when I'm asked about it. Yes, I long to be a mother to my own children, so we will see. However, I am still optimistic about my future and look forward to how the Lord will address this ongoing desire.

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    1. It definitely is a process and I'm doing much better dealing with it. I love your last line "look forward to how the Lord will address..." that is everything. Thanks so much for reading!

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  4. I've been married for 10 years and people have literally been asking me since I got back from my honeymoon "Are you pregnant yet?" REALLY? How about you do you, and I'll do me? Get out of my business because it's none of yours.

    People have NO clue what I might be going through, so to ask me incessantly for more than decade - I'm just so incredibly over it. Thank you for this post. I hope it will inspire at least one party conversationalist to chat about, well, anything but this!

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    1. For 10 years...that's beyond ridiculous. People just don't get it. I hope one day they will because it's not okay and definitely not for 10 years ugh. Thanks so much for reading!

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