Wednesday, April 13, 2016


So, in exactly one month I will be 39 years old and then after that the countdown begins to 40!!

So, how do I feel? I’m not sure!

I have so many emotions…let’s start with the good stuff.

I am thankful to be celebrating another birthday and overall I seem pretty healthy. I could stand to lose a pound or two or 100 but I digress.

Overall my family is good…my dad’s process is going and I have faith he will be 100% sooner than later. My mom is still super awesome so that makes me happy.

A great friend stepped in and is helping me plan (I should say she is planning it) a fun birthday weekend because I wanted to do something more than just dinner since it is my last year in my 30’s…insert dramatic music.

That all sounds great right so why is that pesky feeling still there…what feeling you ask…the why me feeling, why is my life not as I planned it. In case you forgot click here

My life was planned out perfectly yet here I am:

·         No prospects

·         No dates

·         Date dresses going to waste

·         No Husband

·         No kid (s)

·         Job (could be better)

So, I think I need a Plan B!

The reality is some of this may never happen, it can and I’m not giving up hope but I can’t or at least I don’t want to continue living my life waiting for it to happen. I’m living but I’m not really living because I am waiting on all of the above. And this just can’t be living…can it?

So, here is my new plan…I want to try and learn how to be content with where I am and what I have in every aspect of my life.

Being comfortable in my size 14/16…not saying I will not try to lose weight but I want to learn to love the body I have because it has been here for a while LOL!

Stop buying “date dresses” just buy a dress and wear it when I feel like and if/when I get a date I can definitely do a repeat.

Start taking myself out on dates...put on my date dress and go out. I’m fun so I can have fun by myself.

And even if I do get a date (s) just enjoy it don’t try and make him my husband if it is meant to be it will be.

Get serious about my job search…I know for sure what I don’t want to do and I have a pretty good idea of what I want to do. So, just start applying and keep applying until it happens.

Last but not least…I want to be a mother I always have but realistically it may not happen the traditional route (yes, I read the reports about Janet Jackson but I’m living in reality here) so I need to prepare myself, my house, and my finances for adoption. Make myself understand it doesn’t matter how I become a mother as long as I become one.

In my usual transparent way let me say I am 150% sure I will have some woe is me moments and I will probably still pick up a dress that I deem a date dress BUT the point is I am working on it.

I have my list of goals and now I have put it out into the universe so someone will hold me accountable!

This journey to 40 is one I am kind of enjoying...I am learning a lot about myself good and bad. I hope as I continue on this journey I will continue to grow and be great.

I have a Destiny that God has planned out for me I just have to let him do it. Easier said than done :)!
Tina Campbell’s song Destiny sums it all up for me...take a listen Destiny by Tina Campbell

Watch out 40 I am coming for you!

Almost 40

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

Just One of Them Days!!!

  1. 1 :  unhappiness from the failure of something hoped for or expected to happen <To her disappointment, the cookies were gone.>
  2. 2 :  someone or something that fails to satisfy hopes or expectations <The movie was a disappointment.>

 Disappointment is what I am feeling right nowL!

Have you ever had something you wanted so close and within no time it was taken away? Yep, that happened to me this morning.

So, I know people and I know myself and people will want to know why (heck I would) so in total transparency…here we go.

Long story short…I hope LOL!

An old boss called me about a position with her new company…it was an exciting role doing something I really want to get back to. She said she wanted me but her boss had to approve. I met him and he really didn’t interview me we just chatted. At the end he said it was ultimately her (my old boss) decision unless he doesn’t like the person. Well, fast forward to this morning…guess he didn’t like me she let me know they went with someone else.

I will not bore you with all the facts but let’s just say where I currently am is not turning out how I thought and I feel like I am not using many of my skills and there is a fear that my resume is getting stale due to some impulsive career choices I have made. No one’s fault but my own and I own it. But now as I am getting closer to 40 I want to change it…get back on track.

I want to be a Black Girl who Rocks and I don’t feel like I am rocking right now.

I am not sure how to cure disappointment…I am sure I will be sad for a while, probably eat something super unhealthy (don’t judge me), listen to gospel music…hey I need some Jesus right now. And eventually get back on the band wagon.

I know life is truly what you make it and hard work and sacrifice will eventually pay off. But I am like most humans when I want it right now!

I am going to leave you with a couple quotes from one of the best…Maya Angelou. I hope they will get me and whoever else is maybe having a moment today to feel better.

"You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them."

- Excerpted from Letter to My Daughter, a book of essays (2009)

"We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated."

- The Art of Fiction No. 119, the Paris Review



Almost 40