Friday, July 31, 2015

God Never Drops The Ball…

Last weekend put me in a woe is me moment and a friend sent me a daily devotional…below is a small part of it but for me the most significant.

“If you’re 30 or older, don’t give up on the idea of marriage. I haven’t. You simply don’t know what God has for your future. It may not be the story you expected, but God never drops the ball. He’s never late, and he’s not capricious. Wait for your story to unfold, and do your part in crafting it”.

So, here is my dilemma I know this…I know God has plans for all of us and he works in His time so why am I worried.

They say you can’t pray and worry, you have to let one go and I can’t seem to.

I pray every night and even say God I am putting it in your hands and I love the phrase Let Go, and Let God. I’m sure I have hash tagged that all over social media yet I don’t do it.

My journey to 40 is all about growth and although there are many things I want by 40…what I need is stronger Faith.

Faith without work is dead right…so I have to put in the work to actually Let Go, and Let God. Pretty hard for me but I can do it…I think.

Life is all about choices and on this journey I am choosing to work on all parts of me but I think…no I know if I get this one down all the rest will fall into place.

So, I got this…Let Go, and Let God!

Maybe I’ll start tomorrow LOL!             


Almost 40

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Thoughts from a Single Man and Me of Course-Part 2

If you read Monday’s blog then it was definitely woe is me… all in my feelings.

If I’m being honest (which it seems I can't stop being honest) I do want to be married but being a mother is just as important to me.

And since I’m not getting any younger I asked my single friend what I thought is one of the most important things I should know as I navigate dating in my late 30’s.

How soon should she wait to tell you that she is looking for a husband and she is ready to have kids?

Most men would be run off if it came up right away. I personally don't have an issue with it. All because you express that you want it doesn't mean it's going to happen or you're expecting it to happen between us. Makes for conversation, as someone in my 30's I expect the talk.  If I was early to mid-20's, I would suggest waiting a couple of months before bringing that topic up. Find out what that man really is looking for in you. 

Me: So, let me see if I got this right…if I stick with someone my age I can bring it up but if I decide to get me a young stud I should wait. Either way I probably shouldn’t say it on the first date or tell him I have a blog LOL!

Since, I love buying date clothes I asked how important is my attire on a first date.

Are their expectations of her outfit?

Not really. Just all depends on what we're doing. You don't need a prom dress on for a first date but you also don't need to be dressed as if we're about to hit the club. Keep it simple but stylish. 

Me: I think all of my date clothes are simple but stylish…I’m winning!

Does the outfit give you an indication of her personality?

 It can. If you're wearing Baby Phat or House of Dereon, I can only assume that you haven't been exposed to a lot *shrugs*.  If I tell you're we're going to the park or doing something outside, dress for the occasion. 

Me: No Baby Phat or House of Dereon in my closet so I’m good.  But I have owned both LOL!

I am finding out that I may have this dating thing down…well when I get a date. Cue violin music!  

I hope you all are finding this interesting…I know I am.

There is still more to come. I asked a lot of questions. So, stay with me!


Almost 40

Monday, July 27, 2015

The Baby Shower...

I have sad moments but I'm is pretty darn good!
My woe is me moments are 1st world problems!

When I started this blog I really wasn’t sure where it was going to go but I didn’t think I was going to put all my business out there. But it is like I have diarrhea of the mouth and I just can’t stop. But this is my truth and writing this is therapeutic and the feedback is amazing so keep it coming. Please know my woe is me moments are just that moments and I keep it moving. Thanks so much for taking this journey with me.

Now back to our regularly scheduled program:
I literally left the baby shower Saturday and came straight in and typed this. The whole time I was there I kept saying this is definitely a blog post!

It never occurred to me while growing up & even in my 20’s that I would never be a mother but now at 38 that is a huge reality.
People still try to say it can happen or talk with me/to me like it’s not a long shot but realistically speaking it just might be.
I keep trying to be positive but I also know 40 is around the corner.
I know adoption is an option and I try to be open-minded about it and prepare myself but if I’m being honest I want the whole thing.

I want to take the test and see it pop-up positive.

I want to watch my body change as another human is forming inside of me.

I want to feel what I hear mother’s say… he/she is kicking, or he/she is over here (pointing to places on their stomach).

And although I know it’s painful I want to push a kid out and have that story to tell to my kid when he/she is being bad I can say I was in labor for ___ hours/days.

I want it all and I think I deserve it yet I don’t have it and I don’t know that I will.

At the shower I had the pleasure of holding the sweetest, happiest, cutest baby ever and the whole time as much as I was enjoying myself there was a bit of sadness.
I know we can’t tell God our plans but I would like to make a suggestion to Him to keep my womb healthy so I can experience the joy of being a mother.
That’s not asking much is it?
Almost 40

Friday, July 24, 2015

Sometimes You Just Need A Man…Or Do you?

I am all about being an independent woman…I get to hype when Webbie’s  song comes on:
“Independent do you know what that mean?
She got to her own house
She got her own car
Two jobs work hard you a bad broad”

I was/am a daddy’s girl (which means he didn't make me do much growing up) so doing things around the house which I consider “man” things are still a struggle for me although I have been on my own for years.

Exhibit A:

This thing tried to take me out the other morning.

So, I saw about 2-3 little flying bugs and I freaked out so I was like I have to bomb my house. Yes, 2-3 bugs and I was ready to blow the house up!

I have never used these things before but I read the box and I made a plan. The night before I set my chairs up, one upstairs and one downstairs and set the cans in the chairs with lots of paper towels according to the box.

The morning of I got my purse, lunch bag, & workout bag and sat them at the door because the box said I needed to get out of the house quick.

I start with the one upstairs and I can’t get the top off & then when I finally get the top off and press the button  spray goes everywhere…yeah didn’t know that’s how it came out.

Then I ran downstairs (picture me running…pretty funny) & struggled again to get the top off I finally got it. Mind you doing all of this while trying to hold my breath because according to the box I didn’t want to inhale.

Then I realize there is no way to get out of the house because I put the chair in the middle of the floor, close to the door so there was no way around the spray that was going everywhere. I know not smart at all!

So, still holding my breath I try to run under the spray and hope I don’t smell like bug spray. Grab my bags and I get out.

I felt queasy I just knew I was a goner LOL!

See, if I had a man this would not be a blog topic.

Truthfully speaking though...although I know to some people this is small but I felt a little empowered doing this for myself and not asking my dad to come up & do it for me.

This journey to 40 just might be pretty awesome man or no man!!


Almost 40

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Thoughts From A Single Man And Me Of Course!!

This journey to 40 for me is about growth and to figure out my next steps in life because if you remember a past post this life is definitely not the one I planned.

I do know people say everything happens for a reason so it is a reason I don’t have that life but I also think there are things I can do to better myself.

I am 99.9% sure I have made a lot of mistakes in my 38 years and many of them probably took place while I was seeing someone LOL. It’s the truth and I am finally old enough to accept that.

I thought I would talk to a single man and ask some questions that I really wonder about either because of things I’ve heard or things that were said to me/about me.
I can talk to my girls all day long and have woe is me moments on why I’m single but they aren’t men.

I guess it’s the same thing as me calling my mom whenever I’m sick and every time she says go to the doctor. 

So, if I want to know a man’s thoughts I should ask one.

The man I spoke with is 34 and is in the Healthcare field and in old school terms he looks good on paper so what is a guy like this looking for. Why is he single…I know it’s the question I hate to get asked but I had to know.

Are you single by choice?
Yes, due to simply not meeting the woman that I want to be exclusive with yet

What are your turn-ons?
Intellect & knowledge. Can you talk to me about important world events & not reality TV? Someone that doesn't mind having a beer or drink! Spontaneous, cultured and worldly. Stylish & making sure her appearance is well maintained. 

 What are your turn-offs?
CLINGY (he made it all caps LOL)! Please have a life outside of your relationship & work. Boring, not into new things, no spontaneity. Doesn't care about her appearance, homely looking. Bad weaves.

 Me: I wear weave and I like it…it allows me to do things to my hair that with my natural hair I could never do…hence this blonde, I would be bald.  

 I was actually told by someone who was looking to hook me up (I asked her about single friends) ask if she could give me a make-over because the guys she was showing my picture did not like weaves.

 That was a blow to the ego because I think I look pretty good ( I mean I'm not BeyoncĂ© but not bad on the eyes) and yes I wear weave but it always looks pretty good (shout out to my momma). Clearly, I didn’t change but it did make me wonder if that could be why I’m single.

SN: As single women I think we are always trying to figure out the why but deep down I know for whatever reason maybe it just isn’t time but my head and my heart refuse to get on the same page. And 38 is not making it any better but I digress!

 This brought me to my next question for him!

How do you feel about Weaves? Natural hair?
A good weave is perfectly fine. The kind of weave that can fool me into thinking it's your real hair. No outlandish weave or cheap weaves please. I'm also fine with natural hair.

Me: His response made me realize that it’s true there is somebody for everybody…the person who chooses to be with me will like me for me and will not try and change me.

Now he just has to find me because I love my weave LOL!
Stay tuned for part 2 where I find out if I need to keep buying date clothes, how long is to long to wait or should there be a time-frame, and do men talk about women as much as we talk about them?

I am learning a lot and I hope you are too!
Please share your thoughts…I would love to hear them.

Almost 40

Monday, July 20, 2015

It’s My One Month Blogaversary!!!

Hey Y’all,

I am super-duper excited…I have officially been blogging for a month and it has been awesome!

I know most people don’t celebrate a month but because of how long it took me to even start this blog I have to celebrate that I have been consecutive for a month.

There has been research which shows it takes 21 days to fully cultivate a new habit because 21 days is the time required for new neuropathways to be fully formed in your brain. I have hit 30-days so my brain is there.

I can’t explain to you all how much the feedback, shares, and text messages have meant to me…I was so scared to do this and to get all of this positive feedback I’m just so thankful.

I know it’s only been a month but I thought I would share with you something's I have learned since starting this journey:

Don’t let fear stop you…just do it 
Putting myself out there has been more therapeutic than I thought…not sure what I thought would happen but I love how it is going & how I'm feeling

I’m not alone…other women are thinking/feeling what I am

Last but not least Facebook said these things will happen to me in 2015 Money, Love, & Wedding in this order. Facebook also said in 1 year, 2 months, & 9 Days I will no longer be single

Not sure which one I believe but either way it sounds like this journey to 40 will lead me to a Boo…woot woot LOL! Who comes up with these things!

To celebrate my one month blogaversary I talked to a couple of men , one single and one married and asked some questions that I really wanted answers to and I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one so stick with me because I will start sharing their responses on Wednesday! So, y'all come back now ya hear!

SN:  You may notice the blog looks different…the site I was using would not allow me to be great and as long as you all keep sticking with me I want to eventually take the blog up a notch so I had to move it.

If you were following the old blog please go follow this one…if you weren’t following please do!

Again, thank you so much for sticking with me and making me realize that this just may have been a good idea.


Almost 40

Saturday, July 18, 2015

So, He’s Really Not Going To Just Knock On My Door???

I LOVE staying in chilling on the couch watching TV on the weekends!
Shout out to me!!! LOL
Shout out to me!!! LOL
My weeks are usually pretty busy & I don't go to bed like normal people so I'm typically worn out by Friday night.

I do like hanging out with my friends and we always have a blast but if they don’t want to hang out I'm like DVR here I come.

If I have 2 weekends in a row home then I usually want to get out…usually LOL!

People always say how are you going to meet somebody if you don’t get out of the house.

My first question… you mean Mr. Right is not going to come to my door? I mean he is supposed to be looking for me duh.

My second question… where do you meet him? The people say church. I don’t miss many Sunday’s and I have NEVER met anyone at church.

When I am out with my friends I can count on one hand literally how many times I have been approached and I would probably have fingers left over.

I’m not aggressive, kind of old fashion…I want someone to approach me. Back in the day that was how it worked. But now people say you have to approach him, buy him a drink. Ummm…

Believe it or not I am shy…I know you are shocked. Not in general but if I am interested in a guy all this coolness you see goes out the window.

On top of my shyness I have a huge fear of rejection! On a scale of 1-10…It’s 1 million!
I know, no one likes to get rejected but it’s a part of life blah, blah, blah…well, I am not about that life.

I know I am almost 40 so something has to change I mean clearly my way isn’t working.

Or I could start ordering regularly from UPS or Fed-Ex and answer the door in my date outfits with mascara and lip gloss until Mr. Right comes knocking. Don’t knock it, it could work.

But seriously I know I need to put my big girl panties on and be more open, take chances, and break-up with my DVR and Netflix. I mean this journey to 40 is about growth. This is going to be hard!

Let’s all pray for me…okay?


Almost 40

I Have A Confession!!!

My name is CaNesha and I BUY FIRST DATE CLOTHES (head hung in shame)!!
Reasons why I buy date clothes...can't be caught in cargos LOL!
Reasons why I buy date clothes...can't be caught in cargos on a 1st date LOL!

Often times when I'm out shopping I will see a dress or skirt and I’m like this would be so cute for a date and I buy it…although I have no date or a prospect for a date.

Please tell me I’m not the only one.

Thankfully, most of my "date clothes" end up being work/church clothes with different shoes. I can't show everything on a first date so I buy according to that rule which is why it can be worn other places.

I need to stop but in my head when I get a date I would prefer not to rush out to the mall and try to find something because we all know when you are looking you can never find anything.

In addition to that men are visual so the first date outfit has to be on point, which means it needs to be planned…but I probably only need one not 10 LOL!

As I am realizing I may have problem I thought I should do some research about first date clothes.
I read an article that broke down how the style and color you wear determines the type of impression you will make:
  • Red-Sexy & Seductive
  • Black-Looking for Love
  • Artsy Style-Highly Intelligent
  • Too Dressy-Low Self Esteem
  • Conservative-Reliable
  • Unique-Interesting
  • Showing skin-Ovulating
So basically on my first date I need to wear black and show skin…I’m 38 no need for beating around the bush LOL!!

But do men really know what any of this means…stay tuned for a future blog to find out!
So, yes I am trying to do things differently since I'm knocking on 40's door but my dad always says “if you stay ready, you don’t have to get ready”.

So, yeah I will probably keep buying "date clothes".


Almost 40

There’s Hope…

It’s no secret I have always wanted to be married with kids...but in my 20’s there wasn’t a loss of hope. I don’t think I even really considered it wouldn’t happen. And I definitely wasn’t concerned about my eggs.

But at 38 there is a lot of doubt and uncertainty that it just may not happen and as much as I try to keep hope doubt seems to come in.So, when I hear stories like Kim Coles it gives me hope!

I am always happy when people get married…I love, love. I'm a hopeless romantic but when I read Kim Coles story about her marriage it was personal for me.

Coles is 53 and found love. And in addition to her age I liked what she said about finding him...“[My heart] was open just enough for Reggie to come though”.

It made me wonder if my heart is really open…I know I say I want it but is there an opening for someone.

Sometimes I wonder if I am putting so much emphasis on it happening that I can’t focus enough to simply get it.

I’m not sure but I do know this is just another thing on my list to figure out before 40.

SN: Coles husband is 12 years younger than her… you go girl! I’m not sure about that one but stranger things have happened. You can’t help who you fall in love with right?

In addition to my marital bliss hope…Tami Roman (The Real World & Basketball Wives) just announced at 45 she is pregnant…more hope. I know as we get older it’s risky but the thought that it can happen makes me smile.

At the end of the day I have no clue what my future holds but stories like these make me feel a little better about it.


Almost 40

The Positive Side Of Single Life!!

I do enjoy my company! LOL

There are worse things than being alone. But it often takes decades to realize this. And most often when you do, it’s to late. And there’s nothing worse than too late.
-Charles Bukowski

Happy Friday People!

This has been one of those weeks (TGIF) and I was in my feelings a little to much so I decided to kick the weekend off by sharing with you and myself some positive things about being single.

Here we go:

The toilet seat will never be up…no falling in when you wake up in the middle of the night and refuse to turn the lights on ( I know I’m not the only one).

Shaving your legs a lot less or not at all in the winter… don’t give me that look you know it’s a chore. But if no one lives with you who cares. If I have on pants no one will ever know!

Only one set of laundry to do…I wear a lot of clothes during the week so doing MY laundry is enough.

Keep your home at whatever temperature your heart desires…no one to complain it’s to hot, it’s to cold. It is just how YOU like it.

Cook whatever you want for dinner…this basically means I could just eat a bowl of cereal & that’s okay.

Last but not least…no checking in with anybody I can get up & go when I please.

These are just a few things that make me happy about being single…now would I change all of this for the RIGHT man… absolutely. But until then it’s just me, myself, & I...enjoying this life!

I would love for you all to add to my list, please leave what you enjoy about being single or enjoyed when you were single in the comments and I will post them all in a future blog.  Can't wait to read them!

I hope you all have a great weekend…I plan to!


Almost 40

About Last Night...


Yes, it is all caps and bold because I am in my feelings!

** Disclaimer** This blog is my thoughts how I’m feeling at the time…I am not depressed nor have I stopped living. This blog is to simply get my feelings and thoughts out about this thing called life at almost 40 & not being where I planned to be at this age. But I promise I am not close to the ledge LOL!

Now back to the regularly scheduled program!

If you have been following my blog the whole 2 weeks I have been blogging then you will remember in my first post I said sometimes the blog will be about the fact that being single isn’t that bad and sometimes it will be about why being single sucks!

Well, today people here comes a post about when single life sucks.

Last night I went to see Floetry…first of all I was so hype when I heard they were reuniting because I am a fan and have been since day one. And the show was awesome but this is not the point.
The point is my feelings and me living in them last night.

Going to concerts with friends is always a good time but there are just some concerts you are like dang wish I had a boo. Floetry is one of them.

I was literally sitting across from a couple!!! WTH City Winery like for real ask if it's a single ticket or for a couple when we purchase ugh!! Don't put me at a small table with a couple directly across from me...who does that??

Songs like Floetic, SupaStar, and Mr. Messed Up you can rock out to those.
But umm when they start singing Say Yes, Lay Down, Getting late, Opera & Marsha had the audacity to sing Your hands...come on respect the single people!! Got me  wondering, hoping for a boo and then reality hits…You don’t have one, not even a prospect SMH. Again being single sucks!
Hilarious to me!! And I do have a fridge woot!! LOL
Hilarious to me!! And I do have a fridge woot!! LOL

In my usual way I had to bring myself back…so I started to see the positives. I was able to buy my ticket to the concert, I was able to buy dinner before the show, and I had a car that got me there. Yep, I'm single but as the people say I am blessed and highly favored. And really at the end of the day life goes on so I am almost ready to step out of my feelings...maybe by lunch time.

But if I'm being honest even with all of that single life. LOL!


Almost 40

A Holiday Weekend!


Woe is me/Truth Blog coming

This was a great weekend…got out of the city, met some new people and I did wear lip gloss and mascara on Saturday LOL!

It was one of those weekends that was chill, no real plans…treated myself to a few things I didn’t really need but why not.

As much fun as I had there was that part of me that thought how nice it would be to have a BBQ with a husband & kid (s).
Another one of my visions...smh!
Another one of my visions...smh!
It’s that part of me that I want to tap out, the part that didn’t get the memo to Let Go & Let God. The part that is always worrying about things that I can’t change.

I want to shut this part of me off but for some reason I can’t…and I’m not sure how.
I have gone through all the steps…I pray often and have given it over to God or so I think.

But there is that small part of me that wonders when it will happen. That is the part that makes appearances on days like the 4th of July.

It kind of goes back to me planning…I have also planned how I want my family life to go, how my house will look, and how holidays will work.

And as much as I say its okay, it will work out. It’s pretty obvious I don’t believe that fully.
Which makes me wonder is that why I am almost 40 and still single. I’m still trying to help God instead of letting him work it out.

I don’t have all the answers and I'm not sure if I ever will…that is not why this blog was started. It was started to get my truth out, my thoughts, and my concerns with the hopes that someone else can relate and/or give me some advice. Or we can just share.

There will be more holidays and I don’t know if that little part of me will rear its ugly head but I will keep praying and living my life and trying to blocking it out. Or you may get another woe is me blog.

I’m sure by the time you read this my moment will be over and I’ll be back at work where I don’t have time to think but a free weekend with no plans keeps my brain going.

I’m not beating myself up because I acknowledged my feelings, had my moment and I’m going to get up tomorrow and keep living. He will find me…one day!


Almost 40

MASCARA! wear it or not
Cue Jazmine Sullivan Voice:
So I never leave the house without make-up on,
I keep mascara in my pocket if I'm running to the market
Cause you never know who's watching you
So I got to stay on, I got to stay on

Insert Record Scratch…

Yeah, this is not me…I am notorious for running out the house looking any kind of way! I know before you say it. I have heard it all.

He could be at the grocery store, at the red light, at the pump…who knows.
Here is my dilemma; I want a man to like me for me, not the me with make-up on, spanx, hair coiffed. Just me in sweats and a t-shirt.

I have this fear that once he sees me without all of that it’s over because I misrepresented myself. Overthinking it…maybe but I would rather meet him au natural.

I have heard to many stories of guys saying she didn’t look like this when we met…I DO NOT want to be her.

I know your next response…how’s that working for me?

Umm, you know the answer…I am almost 40 now what lol!

Change is good; well that’s what the people say. They also say to get something you want, you have to do something you’ve never done.

So, I am going to try not to leave the house looking a mess, if I'm being really honest there have been times I have hid from people because I looked so awful.

I am going to try and keep it cute all the time...who am I kidding most of the time. Not just when I'm going out with friends. Even to the grocery store. Pray for me!

I’m starting this weekend; it’s a holiday weekend at that so I’m going to try this out.

My name is CaNesha and I will not leave the house without mascara and lip gloss... let’s see how this goes.

It’s hot though so the spanx may not get to go out!

At the end of the day I may never know why I haven't found the one yet but I can continue to work on me until he comes. I mean I'm not getting any younger.

As the song says you never know who’s watching.

I got this…I think!


Almost 40

The word Single!

Single as an adjective:
  • Not having or including another
  • Only one
  • Not married or not having a serious romantic relationship with someone
Single as a noun:
  • An unmarried person and especially one who is young and socially active
So, this is who I am in a nutshell…interesting right?

Why did I look this up? I wanted to know when I said I was single what does that really mean, what am I saying.

Yes, I’m single but I’m living, I’m laughing, and having fun.

No, I don’t have another and yes I am only one but one can be fun. Netflix and junk food…can you say best time ever!

Then this “especially one who is young and socially active” what if you aren’t young but you are only one then what are you??? I need to have a discussion with Webster.

I say all of that to get to this…this word just makes you feel something. For some people they are happy about, others it makes them sad. And some just don’t care.

As for me there are times I’m content with it…happy maybe to strong of a word and if I’m being honest there are times I get sad about it. Either way I always care!

Regardless of how you feel about this word… the word changes you, it makes you feel something…puts you in a category, makes you different.

Today, I’m okay with being single but even as I type it I feel something. By the time I post this I could be having a woe is me moment.

But what I do know is that I want a new word because I just don’t like the way it makes me feel!
Is it just me?

Any suggestions on a new word?


Almost 40

I'm not a Player I just Crush a lot!!

No Pun intended...get it! LOL ROTF!

It's Man Crush Monday (MCM) I thought I would let you all know more about me, have some fun and make this blog a little more interactive.

This is my first MCM but I'm single, I have many crushes…so I thought I would start sharing. Well, the ones that are unattainable. The others are a secret...for now!

Plus, Monday’s are the days we don't like to see, so why not look at some hotness. We can go back to figuring out this thing called life Wednesday!

Sometimes I think…am I to old to have a crush…heck no!

I’m single not dead!!

This week I will share with you my biggest crush (not a surprise to some). In my head if we ever meet (that is, if for some reason he gets a divorce, just saying) he will want to marry me. Had I moved to Atlanta instead of Nashville I am sure we would have gotten married.
Delusional? Maybe, but I love him!
He needs no introduction!
Since I am letting you all into my world I have a secret to tell you. I have an older crush and I was crushing on him when I was young. No clue why but he was so handsome to me and still is. When he married Nia Peeples I remember my heart sank. I was young give me a break. I think he’s single now so I have a chance. This blog could turn into something else…CaNesha & Howard sitting in a tree K I S S I N G. LOL
This is for the lover in you
This is for the lover in you

Ok, I have shared my Man Crushes with you all…now tell me yours. Leave them in the comments; share on my IG (DivaDoll_13) or on FB (CaNesha Gordon). I can’t wait to see/read your crushes.

 Almost 40


Single is not a disease I caught that penicillin can’t cure and I’m pretty sure I’m not going to die from it.
This is what I tell myself 75-80% of the time.
Been single to long..I'm about this life!
Been single to long..I'm about this life!
Ohhh but that 20-25% I have major woe is me moments. They go something like this:

Why Lord Why…what did I do wrong?

Lord, I try and live right, where is he?

And my favorite…I mean dang am I ugly??

I don’t and I won't apologize for having these moments because I’m human and overly sensitive but I realize I have to bring myself back.

So, how do I bring myself back…I remind myself of all the good in my life.

I have a great family and seriously the best parents a girl could ask for. I have a great group of sister friends who take me just as I am. I enjoy my job, I don’t live outdoors, and I have a car with air…it can’t get much better right! Well, maybe that whole husband & kid thing!

Sometimes it feels like I’ll be single forever and that’s when the moments start and other times I’m living my life like it’s golden. But I think that’s what makes me, me and why I started this blog. And now I have you all my readers (praise break…I have readers woo hoo) to share this journey with.

I believe that it is okay to have these moments because sometimes for lack of a better word…it just sucks! But I also know that life will go on. In the words of my mom…just keep living!


Almost 40

This was NOT the plan!

This is not how I planned my life out and before you say it I know…If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.

Let me give you a little back story about me…I was the little girl who always wanted to be married with kids. I am not sure if I have ever said the words I don’t want to get married or I don’t want kids. This is something I have always wanted, yet here I am late 30’s and I have neither.

I had my whole life planned out…I was going to meet Mr. Right in college, get engaged after we graduated and then we would both work a couple of years while planning this fabulous wedding (of course my wedding was already planned I just had to bring it to life). After marriage we would buy a house with a white picket fence, have 2.5 kids, and a dog. Yes, I am scared of dogs but stay with me LOL!

Cue Romantic music:

At the rehearsal I would have on an all-white jogging suit with the future Mrs.___ on the back.
The wedding would be perfect, my dress princess style, my hair in curls with the top pinned up. Shoes… White Keds decorated with lace and pearls (the shoes the daughter wore in Father of the Bride), my colors Blush and Bashful (from the movie Steel Magnolias) you see I have been planning for years.
Add curls and this is my vision!Add curls and this is my vision...I figured you needed a visual!

The next day we would have a BBQ where my husband & I would have on t-shirts that say just married!

Our honeymoon would be in Disney World...because it is the greatest place on earth!

You see the plan was perfect, flawless if I must say so myself… Yet, it still hasn’t happened; I can’t even say I’ve been close.

According to my plans I should be celebrating about 15 years of marriage at this point.

But instead I’m only celebrating starting a blog…which is exciting don’t get me wrong but celebrating a wedding anniversary would be nice, or a kids birthday.

I guess it is true if you want to make God laugh tell him your plans & he will show you his.
I have no clue what the future holds …BUT I do know I should probably stop planning!


Almost 40

My first blog post FINALLY!!!

I have wanted to start a blog for years…one day several years back my brother and I were on the phone and I was on my soap box about something and I kept going & going. Long story short, we decided I needed to do a blog…probably so he wouldn’t have to listen to me anymore LOL!
Then fear came around & I never did it…what was I scared of?

 Will people read it?

 Will they like it?

 Will I get followers?

 Last but not least...does anyone care what I have to say?

It has always been in the back of my mind and then I started working like crazy. I did research that says you should do at least 3 blog post a week to stay relevant. Well, I hardly had 3 free hours so that was not going to work.

Truthfully there are several blogs somewhere out there on the World Wide Web with my name on it I never started.

So, here we are several years later & I’m like just do it…what do you have to lose…you are almost 40 (hence the title…get it) yes, I’m corny but that’s okay.

The next step... what am I going to talk about? I LOVE fashion blogs I follow many but hello, I get ideas from them so am I really a fashionista…probably not!

I thought what can I write about that I know all to well and have lots of opinions on. Then it hit me…You are almost 40 (very close), no husband, no boyfriend no kids, heck no dates…that’s it. Write what I know.

So, I think I’m ready…I think!

This blog for me I hope will be therapeutic…I want to talk about how it feels to be almost 40 and not where I thought I would be.

How it feels when people give me the sad face after they ask my age and then I answer no to all the common questions.

You know those questions...are you married? Do you have kids? Do you want to get married? I could go on but you get it.

I want to talk about if I knew why I wasn’t married don’t you think I would be. Why do people ask you that...I will save it for a future post but think about it...and if you have ever asked that question...really think about it!

And yes I would like kids but a husband on the side would be good too.

I also want to talk about that no my life isn’t sad because I’m single. I have a good life, great friends, and family. So, don’t feel sorry for me.

Honestly, sometime this blog will be about the fun I have and I’m okay being single.

Other times I will have woe is me moments because you know sometimes being single sucks. Ex. Car stops on the side of the road and your dad is 2 hours away…who will you call.

So, I hope you will take this journey with me the good, the bad, & the ugly and I hope that if I touch one person starting this blog will be worth it.

Be back soon…3 blog post a week remember,


Almost 40