Monday, July 27, 2015

The Baby Shower...

I have sad moments but I'm is pretty darn good!
My woe is me moments are 1st world problems!

When I started this blog I really wasn’t sure where it was going to go but I didn’t think I was going to put all my business out there. But it is like I have diarrhea of the mouth and I just can’t stop. But this is my truth and writing this is therapeutic and the feedback is amazing so keep it coming. Please know my woe is me moments are just that moments and I keep it moving. Thanks so much for taking this journey with me.

Now back to our regularly scheduled program:
I literally left the baby shower Saturday and came straight in and typed this. The whole time I was there I kept saying this is definitely a blog post!

It never occurred to me while growing up & even in my 20’s that I would never be a mother but now at 38 that is a huge reality.
People still try to say it can happen or talk with me/to me like it’s not a long shot but realistically speaking it just might be.
I keep trying to be positive but I also know 40 is around the corner.
I know adoption is an option and I try to be open-minded about it and prepare myself but if I’m being honest I want the whole thing.

I want to take the test and see it pop-up positive.

I want to watch my body change as another human is forming inside of me.

I want to feel what I hear mother’s say… he/she is kicking, or he/she is over here (pointing to places on their stomach).

And although I know it’s painful I want to push a kid out and have that story to tell to my kid when he/she is being bad I can say I was in labor for ___ hours/days.

I want it all and I think I deserve it yet I don’t have it and I don’t know that I will.

At the shower I had the pleasure of holding the sweetest, happiest, cutest baby ever and the whole time as much as I was enjoying myself there was a bit of sadness.
I know we can’t tell God our plans but I would like to make a suggestion to Him to keep my womb healthy so I can experience the joy of being a mother.
That’s not asking much is it?
Almost 40

No comments:

Post a Comment