Friday, September 1, 2017

Am I Going to be Single Forever?

I stepped out of my comfort zone last weekend and went to a speed dating event...I know…go me! I wasn’t confident that my future husband/father of my kids would be there but at least thought I might get a date, so I could wear one of my date dresses. Click here for post about my date dresses.

I felt cute, and I was having a great make-up day, so I was ready to do some speed dating.

We get there, and it’s a room full of women about 40-50 to be exact and a couple of men. I swear at that moment I was hella discouraged. The event could have been amazing had all of us women had some men to speed date with.

I am feeling very hopeless.  I have a couple of dating apps on my phone and the options… well; let’s just say my question stands…Am I going to be single forever?

Before you say it, I know I need to wait on God but I also know he isn’t coming to my front door. Therefore, when attending an event for men and women to meet but only women show up it is very disheartening.

I’m trying hard to stay positive and keep the faith but it’s not looking good.  When I think about my life, I never thought in a million years I would be 40, single and childless. It’s a tough pill to swallow that this could be my reality.

I find myself trying to do more things to fill the void and trying to say it's okay if it doesn’t happen but guess what…it’s not okay.

I could be being a bit dramatic with thinking I’m going to be single forever but it sure feels like it.

I know I can’t predict the future or move God until he’s ready, so I know I just have to wait and be hopeful but today isn’t that day. Maybe next week.


Hella Discouraged

Friday, August 25, 2017

My First Hello Fresh Box

Last week I shared with you all how I have been more consistent with working out, but my eating habits SUCK! So, I signed up for meal delivery service from Hello Fresh.

Why did I choose a meal delivery service?
1.       I am a basic cook. My specialties are spaghetti and taco salad and I don’t think I have ever made anything from scratch.
2.       It should save me money. I waste a lot of money weekly because I buy all this crap at the grocery store and it usually ends up in the trash.
3.       End-caps get me every time. Seriously, if you have something you want me to buy put it on an end-cap.
4.       I really hate grocery shopping.
5.       Last, but definitely not least…I want to eat healthier and these meals offer that.
End-Cap Purchase LOL!

Hello Fresh has a few different options to choose from. I chose the classic plan for two people with three recipes per week. The cost is $59.94 a week. That’s roughly $10 per meal. I decided to have a box delivered every other week because I know myself and my life. I am not going to cook three times a week. It would go to waste.  Plus, I like to eat out. Remember #healthynotskinny LOL!

So, let’s get into the meals.

The first meal was Honey Mustard Chicken with Roasted Sweet Potatoes, Zucchini and Onions. I didn’t love this meal. It wasn’t bad I just didn’t love it. With this meal I followed the directions verbatim and I think that’s where I went wrong.

My second meal was Thyme and Honey Pork Chops over Couscous with a Peachy Salad. Y’all, this was so good. It was my first time having couscous and I loved it. I didn’t follow the instructions verbatim this time.  I used everything they sent me, but added more seasonings from my cabinet. I literally couldn’t wait to get home to eat my second meal.

The third meal was Buttered-Up Steak with Roasted Potatoes and Garlicky Green Beans. This was my favorite one. Who knew butter, Dijon mustard and parsley combined makes such a good topping on steak.
My finished product did not look like the picture, but the pictures below show the meals and what comes in the box.

Each meal was under 700 calories, the portions are a good size, the produce is fresh and really good cuts of meat. I will be honest, I was satisfied, but I wasn’t like OMG I’m stuffed. Which, I know is a good thing because you are only supposed to eat until you are full. My new box comes on Saturday and I can’t wait.
If you have been thinking about trying it now is your chance. To receive $30 off of your first box click here


40 and trying something new

Thursday, August 17, 2017

Live, Laugh, Love

I started using #livelaughlove when I turned 40 because it’s how I plan to live the rest of my life.

I have been 40 a little over three months and so far so good. I am really enjoying this thing called life and all it has to offer. I am working on growing my blog by making some improvements (stay tuned). I joined a couple of blogging/writing groups, finally using my resources (other bloggers) and getting out more to network. I have even started back reading just for fun.

 I try to wake up every day with a positive attitude of being thankful that my eyes opened. My prayers are longer every night. A few weeks ago, my bishop preached that we have to start asking for big stuff…things that will shock us, so I’m asking. LOL!

Friday, August 11, 2017

Being a Masterpiece and a Work in Progress

I have decided I can be a masterpiece and a work in progress at the same dang time and its okay.

After my mini woe is me moment last week, I realized something had to give for my sanity. Two weeks ago I did a post about not being hard on myself, yet here I was last week doing that.

So, here is what I have decided:

Some days I am going to be a masterpiece…picture perfect. Other days I will be a hot dramatic mess in progress. I have to believe the masterpiece will eventually win. Maybe when I turn 50 LOL!

Sometimes I have a hard time accepting the fact that I’m human and ish happens. Some days my feelings are all over the place and other days life is perfect.

My guess is some people think I sound crazy, but for right now this is my normal.

With that being said…some weeks you will have positive, upbeat post and other weeks you will have a woe is me post.

I hope you will keep coming along on this journey with me. Think about it every week will be like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get.

A 40-year-old Masterpiece & Work in Progress

Saturday, August 5, 2017

I have a Love/Hate Relationship with Weddings

I know this sounds strange…who hates weddings? 

 Overall I LOVE weddings! I love, love! I love to see my friends find their happily ever after. I am the friend that as soon as one of my friends gets a date I start planning their wedding in my head.

Not having found my happily ever after yet (trying to stay positive) there is a part of me that finds attending weddings hard. Not because I am not happy for my friends, but because it makes me think about my singleness.  

This post was hard for me to write and share because here I am on this quest to love the life I have, but I can’t stop hoping/wishing for the one I envisioned. I have this battle going on with myself...trying to fully commit to love the life I have yet constantly yearning for the one I’ve dreamed about.

I often wonder can they both exist in my head and heart.

I am working daily to stay positive that it will happen one day, but doubt creeps in especially after a wedding.

Before you feel sorry for me or give me the “it will happen” speech I have some progress to share.

Typically, after a wedding or baby shower I have a woe is me moment. Usually, lying in bed all day and eating junk food, but I didn’t do that this time. The next day I went to church, had brunch with friends and just enjoyed my day.

At least now I think my sadness is more like a whisper than a scream.


40 and making progress

Friday, July 28, 2017

Stop Being So Hard On Yourself!

If you have followed my blog, then you know I am claiming my 40th year and beyond to be better than my thirties. As I have, also said, a lot of growth has to happen to achieve this goal.

Most women, not all have something we would like to change about our self. For me, it’s my weight.

Here’s the deal…I like food a lot, especially cupcakes, so there's a 99.9% chance that I am not going to be skinny. LOL. I am doing better working out and people have even commented that I look like I am losing weight (which I typically brush off). Yep, I need to learn how to take compliments too. Baby steps people. J

Anyhoo…a couple of weeks ago I was going through my old pics on Facebook because I am thinking of going back to my dark hair. My mom doesn’t love it, so I was trying to show her how cute it was. I found the pics below and was like "whoa baby!" These pics are six plus years old and I was shocked. I am currently smaller...which means I have succeeded in keeping the weight off a while. Who knew?

Here I am, always beating myself up about my weight and this is a huge accomplishment. I may not be "high school skinny," but this is and should be a big deal.

I say all of that to say I have to start lifting myself up, noticing my accomplishments and taking compliments. If I want 40 and beyond to be great I have to accept that I am great!  Will it be easy? Probably not. Old habits are hard to break, but I am definitely going to work on it. At the end of the day, we should always be growing; so, being a work in progress isn’t a bad thing. The point is to continue to do the work.


40 and doing the work

Thursday, July 20, 2017

Am I Walking in the Spirit of Girlfriend?

As you know, I am single and have been for a long time and I’m not sure why. If you know me and/or have read my blog you know it is not by choice.

Before you say it...I know! I know I have to wait on God, but while I am waiting I want to make sure I am ready when he sends me the older version of Kofi Siriboe (better known as Ralph Angel from "Queen Sugar") LOL! 

 I saw a video clip from Pastor John Gray and it has me thinking. In the clip he says “Ask the Lord to make sure you are not walking in the spirit of girlfriend. The Bible says… he that finds a wife, finds a good thing and attains favor. You are not a wife when I marry you; you are a wife when I find you. Wife is not the presence of a ring, but of your character. The reason many men can’t find a wife is because we have too many women walking around with the spirit of a girlfriend. Giving wife benefits to a man that is not going to marry you. Boys play games, men cut covenant. “

So, the big question…am I walking like a girlfriend instead of showing that I am a wife? Also, if I am walking in the spirit of girlfriend is it because I’m not ready to be a wife?

Understand, I haven’t had a date in forever and a day so I’m not out here giving wife benefits, but this made me think about how I am presenting myself.

What do you all think about this statement from Pastor Gray? Do you agree? Disagree? Am I over thinking this?

Let me know your thoughts!


Wondering if I am functioning in the spirit of girlfriend

Friday, July 14, 2017


With all that is on my plate this has been a tough week. I have been trying hard to wake up happy, think positive etc. but this week was a struggle.

The worst part is that it’s all on me…MY TIME MANAGEMENT SKILLS SUCK!

Let me give you some back story. I have a newish job...I have been there a little over two months. It is completely different than anything I have ever done so this learning curve is huge.

This job is challenging because it’s causing me to use a part of my brain that I haven’t used in years. I work over 8 hours most days and lunch breaks are few and far between. When I leave work I’m pooped and the thought of doing anything else makes my head hurt.

On top of that I’m all #healthynotskinny so at least three days a week I try to work out. The earliest I usually get home is around 8:45pm.

Oh, and let’s not forget, once I’m home I need to eat and get ready for the next day.

I also took on a leadership role in an organization I am apart of which means more work and I had an article due for my church magazine this week!

Last but not least…The Blog! I have so many dreams for my blog and where I want to see it go…more work!


I want to be great, wonderful, magnificent and amazing in everything I do but right now I’m feeling a bit mediocre.

Have you ever been so tired and frustrated that you can’t even function? That’s me right now. I have so much I want/need to do and I can’t wrap my head around how to make it all work.

Some friends, bloggers I stalk and my mom seem to do more than me daily and they make it look so easy. Did I mention they always look fabulous too?

Listen, I have worn jeggings to work more than once this week LOL and nothing on my face.

So, why am I telling you this? The purpose of this blog is to be transparent in sharing my journey in this thing called life. Social media will make you believe people’s lives are perfect. I know I have and do fall into the comparison trap (see above).

I’m sharing because last week I was preaching positivity, being happy etc. and this week...well...I’m not positive at all and its okay as long and I don’t live in this phase.

This is for anyone that is having a tough time. We are human and everyday isn’t going to be perfect but we just have to keep pushing. As the saying goes…This too Shall Pass!


Overwhelmed but not giving up

Thursday, July 6, 2017

Now that the Glitter has Settled

I have been forty for almost two months now and so far so good. If you follow me on social media then you know my birthday month was amazing. I don’t think I could have planned it out any better. I know for sure that I am really loved and blessed with the most amazing friends and family.

I started this journey to forty because I wanted my forties to be completely different than my thirties. My thirties were full of what if’s, woe is me, why not me, what is going to happen next week, next month or next year. I want my forties to be full of simply living and enjoying the moment.

Friday, June 23, 2017

Working on Living My Best Life

I’m settling into 40 and so far so good. I am working on getting  myself together physically and mentally to become a better me. 

For today's post I decided to call some of my celeb friends who are 40 plus (or I used Google...LOL) and see how they handled entering their 40’s. Check out what they had to say.

“When I turned 40, I was like, huh. I accept myself more now. It was much more comforting.”
-Jennifer Lopez

“I embraced it. There’s something freeing about 40. There’s something that allowed me to walk the walk and talk the talk of being the woman that I always wanted to be.”
-Gabrielle Union

Friday, June 9, 2017

You Really Don’t Have Any Kids???

I met this woman a couple of weeks ago at work and she was drilling me…all in my business. It’s work so you have to answer nicely and fake smile. She finally got around to asking how old was I, I told her, and the next question do you have kids and I just simply said "not yet." Her reaction was priceless and she said a couple of times...”you really don’t have any kids.”

My face when I was asked!
Non-work CaNesha wanted to say why exactly would I lie but CaNesha who has bills and enjoys nice things just said "not yet…"again. I am sharing this for two reasons.

First, people have to STOP treating women who don’t have kids like it’s a disease. There are so many reasons women do not have kids and it is really none of your business. Worry about yourself! My dad always says if you spend 100% of your time focusing on you and your business there isn’t any time left to worry about others. Say it with me…WORRY ABOUT YOURSELF!

The other reason I am sharing is because of my response and my reaction after the conversation. I have typically felt like I needed to explain, give the spill…"Yes, I would like kids, but I would like a date first, and then a husband...yeah, a husband would be good."

Thursday, May 11, 2017

My Prayer for Forty and Beyond!

We are almost to the finish line I will be forty this week…I can’t believe it’s almost here. I feel like I have been talking about it forever. The purpose of this journey was for me to learn to love the life that I have instead of the one I envisioned. I am definitely not there yet. I still have sadness around not being married or being a mom and I honestly don’t know if either one will ever happen. With that being said, I decided I needed a new prayer because, as I have said numerous times, I refuse to live my 40’s like I did my 30’s. I just can’t.

My Prayer:
God help me to be grateful for where I am right now. Move me into a place of acceptance…not accepting that it’s not going to happen but accepting where I am right now. Help me to dwell in gratitude. SN: If you watch The Book of John Gray on OWN I took this from his wife. She was ministering to a woman who could only think about having another baby. I’m sure Aventer Gray did not know she was ministering to me as well. I plan to post this on my bathroom mirror, my refrigerator, and any other place around my house that I see often.

What I know for sure, is that God will give us things when He thinks we are ready and no matter what we do we cannot rush it as much as we may want to. My 30’s, in general, were not bad…I made them bad by hoping, wishing for the life I planned out. I am ready for my 40’s! I have heard so many great things from women in their 40's so I am ready to Live, Laugh, and Love.

I debated on changing the title of my blog since I will be 40 Saturday but as I thought about the next phase of my blog and my life I realize we are in the now what phase. I look forward to sharing this new journey with you whatever that is LOL!

In my typical fashion, I have to remind you...I am human so I am sure there will be more woe is me posts but my hope is that eventually that type of post will not exist but don’t count them out. My goal is an greater percentage of happy posts and a small amount of woe is me. That’s all I can promise for nowJ.


Really Almost 40 and Ready to Live

Thursday, April 20, 2017

The Thrill is Gone!

I wanted my 40th Birthday to be epic but life and finances are not allowing me to be great. I really wanted 40 to be different than 30. I don’t even remember my 30th birthday. I’m not sure what I did or who I was with. All I remember about 30 is being sad because I wasn’t married or didn’t have kids.

Thursday, April 13, 2017

1 MONTH, 4 WEEKS, 30 DAYS, 720 HOURS, 43200 MINUTES AND 25920000 SECONDS

The BIG day is almost here I can't believe it...seems like I've been talking about it forever! This journey to 40 is almost over and I have realized  that I have did the same thing I have done FOREVER.

I have been stressing for years about the fact that I'm not married, that I don't have kids, and that I don't have the perfect job and I realized I have did the same thing with turning 40. I have put so much emphasis on turning 40 and what my life is going to be like, and what I expect that I've lost the excitement of turning 40 and just enjoying the moment. This seems to be the story of my life. ARGH!

Friday, April 7, 2017

Just Have Fun!!

The weekend before last I pretty much stayed in the house all weekend. Partly, because I was thinking my account was not setup for activities and partly because I was having a mini pity party…no birthday plans yet and it’s a month away, no dates, and no baby. You know the usual LOL! I promised myself the next weekend that was not going to happen.

Friday, March 31, 2017

I Really Am Thankful!!

The last couple of post have been a bit woe is me and I totally understand that all of my issues, complaints are pretty much first world problems so I decided for this week to talk about what I'm thankful for.  My life really isn't that bad it's just not working out how I hoped/planned it would. And I know if you want to make God laugh tell him your plans!

Here are just a few things I am thankful for:

Thursday, March 23, 2017

Get It Wrong Until You Get It Right!

No Clue!
As we are getting closer and closer to my 40th birthday…you know the one I have been building up for some time now I kind of feel like dang I suck. Have I accomplished any of the goals I set out? Not really except for being consistent with my blog kind of.
This body is not the one I planned to go into 40 with but looks like I am. I didn’t still plan on putting my hands up when I hear All the Single Ladies. I hoped to know more about the adoption process, saving money, agencies that will help etc. because 40 year old eggs are different than 20 year old eggs. And I sure as heck thought I would have a job that I  like.

Thursday, March 16, 2017

58 DAYS OMG!!!

Beware this is a woe is me post LOL!

I am less than 2 months away from the BIG 4-0 and all I feel is bleh! I started this blog almost 2 years ago and it was in anticipation of this big day and as we are super close I got nothing.

I’m not sure what I expected…well, yes I do, I thought I would be married or close. Have a baby or in the process, working in a career I love or at least one that when I have a bad day I can go shopping and not have to worry about my bank account. I thought my blog would be booming, I would have followers who I interact with regularly and we would have started a whole community on loving the lives we have not the one we envisioned. I would be on my way to making my blog profitable and maybe just maybe somebody famous would have given me a shout out and following me.

Friday, March 10, 2017

Do You Ever Feel Guilty For Having a Lazy Day?

Am I though?

This past weekend was crazy busy in addition as I shared last week I haven’t really been sleeping well so I was exhausted. I was off Monday and I literally did not do a thing. I barely ate.

I had an event I really wanted to go to and really felt like I needed to be there. I had loads of laundry to do, and some other things I needed to do (I will not share those things because I will be judged LOL) yet I did nothing. I slept and watched TV.

But for some reason I felt super guilty like I should have been productive and it’s strange. It’s not like this is the first time I have had a lazy day but for some weird reason on Monday the guilt was real.

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Stress is the Devil!!

Me All Day LOL!
I know that yet I continue to let it run my life. The crazy part is I know it doesn’t have to.

I went home this past weekend...trips home always make me remember that my life doesn’t really suck and I can really enjoy life! I enjoy spending time with my crazy parents…they really should have their own reality show. I sleep better, my mind seems to be at ease, and I just have a good time.

It’s as if for those couple of days I don’t live in reality and/or I know how to forget about my reality and just enjoy life. So, the big question is why the hell can’t I do that daily???
The fact is my life does not suck, actually it is a pretty good life overall…I have some first world problems but I am sure if I took a survey there are so many people dealing with the same crap I am yet they don’t let it take them down.
I looked up symptoms of stress and below are a few that I experience:

Thursday, February 23, 2017

"This is Us" Has Me Trying to Get Back On Track AGAIN!!

Things I'm Trying to Grasp:

  • Life will have crappy moments but they will not kill you
  • Some people are mean just because
  • Some people find joy in ruining yours
  • You have to learn how to create your own happy
  • Misery loves company
  • People's opinions of me shouldn't mean SH&#
  • People are stupid (not all but some)
  • Laughing is always good
  • I really need to stop giving AF
  • I can't control anyone but myself
  • God has my back regardless
  • Getting older isn't a bad thing because the alternative kind of sucks
There are many more but I think you get the point. "This is Us" has to be one of the best shows right now on TV and this week I cried until I had a headache, nose running, eyes swollen it was bad.
What I realized as I went about my day yesterday is that part of the crying was the show but the other part was how I'm feeling about where I am right now in my life and what is going on around me. I am almost 40 years old and still trying to find a good happy. Still letting small things get to me, letting people ruin my day, week etc. and it has to stop.

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Today is Valentine's Day & I'm Still Alive!

I really mean it!
I can't believe's love day and it didn't kill me. Today is a BIG day for some...the day of love, the day your boo/bae treats you really special and in addition you get flowers, candy, dinner etc.

In case you are super confused for years and I mean years I have not had a Valentine and so I HATED this holiday.

This day use to make me so sad...I mean I hated seeing all of the decorations in the stores, the sappy commercials etc. But this year is different.

I'm not sad, I'm not mad...indifferent maybe? I don't know how to explain it I just know I'm okay.

Don't get me wrong I'm not trying to act like Valentine's Day shouldn't be a BIG deal and I think if you have someone you absolutely should celebrate it. Best believe if/when I get boo we are definitely celebrating it to the max LOL!

But what I am saying is today I'm not sad, I don't hate love day, I even have on red and I know for sure my life will not end because I don't have a Valentine's Day Date. I mean let's be honest if it was I would have been out of here years ago :)!

This may seem small to some people but for me it's big because it shows I'm growing a little and I also understand this is what we call a first world problem and I'm going to be okay with or without a Valentine.

BUT...let me put this out there so nobody can come back to this post and say but you said you were okay. Whenever this boo thang comes I want EVERYTHANG....YES EVERYTHANG. I want candy, flowers, balloons, dinner, Tiffany's and Pandora. I mean he has to make-up for all of the years I missed right? LOL!

Seriously, I hope everyone enjoys their Valentine's Day however you plan to celebrate it and I promise I will like all the lovey dovey post and will not have any bad thoughts!

Almost 40 and Survived Valentine's Day

Thursday, January 12, 2017

Sooo...About This Self-Care Thing!

Self-Care is one of those hot words now and I am pretty sure I am doing it all wrong! In my head self-care, is laying in the bed watching Netflix, Hulu, or my DVR and eating really bad food. I don’t think that’s what it means.

My brain is always on 1000 worrying about something or someone and my patience level stays at a negative 1000 and it is all mostly self-inflicted I really need to chill out.

Not saying 40 is old but as you get older you must do better with taking care of yourself before your body does it for you.

Yesterday everything annoyed me…I literally wanted to run away, change my name and never look back. Dramatic…I know LOL!

I never totally feel at peace…so, I decided to first look up what exactly is self-care.

 Self-care is care provided “for you, by you.” It's about identifying your own needs and taking steps to meet them. It is taking the time to do some of the activities that nurture you. Self-care is about taking proper care of yourself and treating yourself as kindly as you treat others.

Friday, January 6, 2017

It’s Official…This is MY Year!

Well, it’s 2017 and I was born in 1977 so the time has come (as if you didn’t know) I turn 40 this year. Insert screams, claps, and rounds of applause please and thank you.  Me all 2017 video below LOL! And yes I will be performing a part of this in a leotard on May 13, 2017 😄!

In addition it’s my first post of the year so here we go…New Year, New Me… NOT!!

If you have been following my blog then you know I have been working on myself for quite some time so a new year is just that a new year.

This whole journey and after is all about growth for me. Life throws you punches all the time but it is how you handle them is what matters. And I will admit I don’t handle all of the punches to well.

And to keep it real some of the stuff I am working on will happen and some might not. But what I did figure out is it took me almost 40 years to get to this place of acknowledgment so it’s probably going to take a while to master it all.