Beware this is a woe is me post LOL!
I am less than 2 months away from the BIG 4-0 and all I feel is bleh! I started this blog almost 2 years ago and it was in anticipation of this big day and as we are super close I got nothing.
I’m not sure what I expected…well, yes I do, I thought I would be married or close. Have a baby or in the process, working in a career I love or at least one that when I have a bad day I can go shopping and not have to worry about my bank account. I thought my blog would be booming, I would have followers who I interact with regularly and we would have started a whole community on loving the lives we have not the one we envisioned. I would be on my way to making my blog profitable and maybe just maybe somebody famous would have given me a shout out and following me.
Yet, here we are and it’s all still the same. Now before someone comes in and tells me to be thankful, God has a plan etc. I know all of that but right now at this time I am having a moment.
I know life could be worse and overall I know my life is not bad but am I wrong to want my happily ever after? I know the plan and purpose of this blog is for me to learn to love the life I have not the one I envisioned but that is proving to be harder than I thought.
Now I also understand that part of it is me. I am super shy when it comes to approaching men; I have no game so even if I was attracted to someone and I have been a few times....if he doesn’t say anything to me nothing is happening sad but true!
I just want to be courted, find that one man who can make me laugh when my day sucks, a man who can put up with me and all my quirks and issues (there are many), a man who understands my love for my family and feels the same way about them, a man who knows my favorite color, my favorite food, and last but not least a man who is going to make sure we become parents however we need to. Is that asking to much? Is that why I am still single? I hope not because if so I’m going to be single forever J! I’m not looking for the perfect man just the man who is perfect for me.I have heard so many people say 40 is different you come into your own. I think maybe I was rushing it. Maybe all of this fun stuff doesn’t happen until I turn 40 and beyond. But I guess we shall see because I would rather keep aging than the alternative. I do have some people reading my blog so I will keep blogging so you all can find out what happens at 40 and beyond.
Signed,
Almost 40 and taking my 5 emotional minutes today!
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