God Never Drops The Ball…

Last weekend put me in a woe is me moment and a friend sent me a daily devotional…below is a small part of it but for me the most significant.

“If you’re 30 or older, don’t give up on the idea of marriage. I haven’t. You simply don’t know what God has for your future. It may not be the story you expected, but God never drops the ball. He’s never late, and he’s not capricious. Wait for your story to unfold, and do your part in crafting it”.

So, here is my dilemma I know this…I know God has plans for all of us and he works in His time so why am I worried.

They say you can’t pray and worry, you have to let one go and I can’t seem to.

I pray every night and even say God I am putting it in your hands and I love the phrase Let Go, and Let God. I’m sure I have hash tagged that all over social media yet I don’t do it.

My journey to 40 is all about growth and although there are many things I want by 40…what I need is stronger Faith.

Faith without work is dead right…so I have to put in the work to actually Let Go, and Let God. Pretty hard for me but I can do it…I think.

Life is all about choices and on this journey I am choosing to work on all parts of me but I think…no I know if I get this one down all the rest will fall into place.

So, I got this…Let Go, and Let God!

Maybe I’ll start tomorrow LOL!             

Signed,

Almost 40

Thoughts from a Single Man and Me of Course-Part 2

If you read Monday’s blog then it was definitely woe is me… all in my feelings.

If I’m being honest (which it seems I can't stop being honest) I do want to be married but being a mother is just as important to me.

And since I’m not getting any younger I asked my single friend what I thought is one of the most important things I should know as I navigate dating in my late 30’s.

How soon should she wait to tell you that she is looking for a husband and she is ready to have kids?

Most men would be run off if it came up right away. I personally don't have an issue with it. All because you express that you want it doesn't mean it's going to happen or you're expecting it to happen between us. Makes for conversation, as someone in my 30's I expect the talk.  If I was early to mid-20's, I would suggest waiting a couple of months before bringing that topic up. Find out what that man really is looking for in you. 

Me: So, let me see if I got this right…if I stick with someone my age I can bring it up but if I decide to get me a young stud I should wait. Either way I probably shouldn’t say it on the first date or tell him I have a blog LOL!

Since, I love buying date clothes I asked how important is my attire on a first date.

Are their expectations of her outfit?

Not really. Just all depends on what we're doing. You don't need a prom dress on for a first date but you also don't need to be dressed as if we're about to hit the club. Keep it simple but stylish. 

Me: I think all of my date clothes are simple but stylish…I’m winning!

Does the outfit give you an indication of her personality?

 It can. If you're wearing Baby Phat or House of Dereon, I can only assume that you haven't been exposed to a lot *shrugs*.  If I tell you're we're going to the park or doing something outside, dress for the occasion. 

Me: No Baby Phat or House of Dereon in my closet so I’m good.  But I have owned both LOL!

I am finding out that I may have this dating thing down…well when I get a date. Cue violin music!  

I hope you all are finding this interesting…I know I am.

There is still more to come. I asked a lot of questions. So, stay with me!

Signed,

Almost 40

The Baby Shower...

I have sad moments but I'm happy...life is pretty darn good!
My woe is me moments are 1st world problems!


When I started this blog I really wasn’t sure where it was going to go but I didn’t think I was going to put all my business out there. But it is like I have diarrhea of the mouth and I just can’t stop. But this is my truth and writing this is therapeutic and the feedback is amazing so keep it coming. Please know my woe is me moments are just that moments and I keep it moving. Thanks so much for taking this journey with me.

Now back to our regularly scheduled program:

I literally left the baby shower Saturday and came straight in and typed this. The whole time I was there I kept saying this is definitely a blog post!

It never occurred to me while growing up & even in my 20’s that I would never be a mother but now at 38 that is a huge reality.

People still try to say it can happen or talk with me/to me like it’s not a long shot but realistically speaking it just might be.

I keep trying to be positive but I also know 40 is around the corner.

I know adoption is an option and I try to be open-minded about it and prepare myself but if I’m being honest I want the whole thing.

I want to take the test and see it pop-up positive.

I want to watch my body change as another human is forming inside of me.

I want to feel what I hear mother’s say… he/she is kicking, or he/she is over here (pointing to places on their stomach).

And although I know it’s painful I want to push a kid out and have that story to tell to my kid when he/she is being bad I can say I was in labor for ___ hours/days.

I want it all and I think I deserve it yet I don’t have it and I don’t know that I will.

At the shower I had the pleasure of holding the sweetest, happiest, cutest baby ever and the whole time as much as I was enjoying myself there was a bit of sadness.

I know we can’t tell God our plans but I would like to make a suggestion to Him to keep my womb healthy so I can experience the joy of being a mother.

That’s not asking much is it?

Signed,

Almost 40



Sometimes You Just Need A Man…Or Do you?

I am all about being an independent woman…I get to hype when Webbie’s  song comes on:

“Independent do you know what that mean?
She got to her own house
She got her own car
Two jobs work hard you a bad broad”

I was/am a daddy’s girl (which means he didn't make me do much growing up) so doing things around the house which I consider “man” things are still a struggle for me although I have been on my own for years.

Exhibit A:

This thing tried to take me out the other morning.

So, I saw about 2-3 little flying bugs and I freaked out so I was like I have to bomb my house. Yes, 2-3 bugs and I was ready to blow the house up!

I have never used these things before but I read the box and I made a plan. The night before I set my chairs up, one upstairs and one downstairs and set the cans in the chairs with lots of paper towels according to the box.

The morning of I got my purse, lunch bag, & workout bag and sat them at the door because the box said I needed to get out of the house quick.

I start with the one upstairs and I can’t get the top off & then when I finally get the top off and press the button  spray goes everywhere…yeah didn’t know that’s how it came out.

Then I ran downstairs (picture me running…pretty funny) & struggled again to get the top off I finally got it. Mind you doing all of this while trying to hold my breath because according to the box I didn’t want to inhale.

Then I realize there is no way to get out of the house because I put the chair in the middle of the floor, close to the door so there was no way around the spray that was going everywhere. I know not smart at all!

So, still holding my breath I try to run under the spray and hope I don’t smell like bug spray. Grab my bags and I get out.

I felt queasy I just knew I was a goner LOL!

See, if I had a man this would not be a blog topic.

Truthfully speaking though...although I know to some people this is small but I felt a little empowered doing this for myself and not asking my dad to come up & do it for me.

This journey to 40 just might be pretty awesome man or no man!!

Signed,

Almost 40

Thoughts From A Single Man And Me Of Course!!

This journey to 40 for me is about growth and to figure out my next steps in life because if you remember a past post this life is definitely not the one I planned.

I do know people say everything happens for a reason so it is a reason I don’t have that life but I also think there are things I can do to better myself.

I am 99.9% sure I have made a lot of mistakes in my 38 years and many of them probably took place while I was seeing someone LOL. It’s the truth and I am finally old enough to accept that.

I thought I would talk to a single man and ask some questions that I really wonder about either because of things I’ve heard or things that were said to me/about me.

I can talk to my girls all day long and have woe is me moments on why I’m single but they aren’t men.

I guess it’s the same thing as me calling my mom whenever I’m sick and every time she says go to the doctor. 

So, if I want to know a man’s thoughts I should ask one.

The man I spoke with is 34 and is in the Healthcare field and in old school terms he looks good on paper so what is a guy like this looking for. Why is he single…I know it’s the question I hate to get asked but I had to know.

Are you single by choice?
Yes, due to simply not meeting the woman that I want to be exclusive with yet. 

What are your turn-ons?
Intellect & knowledge. Can you talk to me about important world events & not reality TV? Someone that doesn't mind having a beer or drink! Spontaneous, cultured and worldly. Stylish & making sure her appearance is well maintained. 

 What are your turn-offs?
CLINGY (he made it all caps LOL)! Please have a life outside of your relationship & work. Boring, not into new things, no spontaneity. Doesn't care about her appearance, homely looking. Bad weaves.

 Me: I wear weave and I like it…it allows me to do things to my hair that with my natural hair I could never do…hence this blonde, I would be bald.  

 I was actually told by someone who was looking to hook me up (I asked her about single friends) ask if she could give me a make-over because the guys she was showing my picture did not like weaves.

 That was a blow to the ego because I think I look pretty good ( I mean I'm not Beyoncé but not bad on the eyes) and yes I wear weave but it always looks pretty good (shout out to my momma). Clearly, I didn’t change but it did make me wonder if that could be why I’m single.

SN: As single women I think we are always trying to figure out the why but deep down I know for whatever reason maybe it just isn’t time but my head and my heart refuse to get on the same page. And 38 is not making it any better but I digress!

 This brought me to my next question for him!

How do you feel about Weaves? Natural hair?
A good weave is perfectly fine. The kind of weave that can fool me into thinking it's your real hair. No outlandish weave or cheap weaves please. I'm also fine with natural hair.

Me: His response made me realize that it’s true there is somebody for everybody…the person who chooses to be with me will like me for me and will not try and change me.

Now he just has to find me because I love my weave LOL!

Stay tuned for part 2 where I find out if I need to keep buying date clothes, how long is to long to wait or should there be a time-frame, and do men talk about women as much as we talk about them?

I am learning a lot and I hope you are too!

Please share your thoughts…I would love to hear them.

Signed,

Almost 40

It’s My One Month Blogaversary!!!

Hey Y’all,

I am super-duper excited…I have officially been blogging for a month and it has been awesome!

I know most people don’t celebrate a month but because of how long it took me to even start this blog I have to celebrate that I have been consecutive for a month.

There has been research which shows it takes 21 days to fully cultivate a new habit because 21 days is the time required for new neuropathways to be fully formed in your brain. I have hit 30-days so my brain is there.

I can’t explain to you all how much the feedback, shares, and text messages have meant to me…I was so scared to do this and to get all of this positive feedback I’m just so thankful.

I know it’s only been a month but I thought I would share with you something's I have learned since starting this journey:

Don’t let fear stop you…just do it 

Putting myself out there has been more therapeutic than I thought…not sure what I thought would happen but I love how it is going & how I'm feeling

I’m not alone…other women are thinking/feeling what I am

Last but not least Facebook said these things will happen to me in 2015 Money, Love, & Wedding in this order. Facebook also said in 1 year, 2 months, & 9 Days I will no longer be single

Not sure which one I believe but either way it sounds like this journey to 40 will lead me to a Boo…woot woot LOL! Who comes up with these things!

To celebrate my one month blogaversary I talked to a couple of men , one single and one married and asked some questions that I really wanted answers to and I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one so stick with me because I will start sharing their responses on Wednesday! So, y'all come back now ya hear!

SN:  You may notice the blog looks different…the site I was using would not allow me to be great and as long as you all keep sticking with me I want to eventually take the blog up a notch so I had to move it.

If you were following the old blog please go follow this one…if you weren’t following please do!

Again, thank you so much for sticking with me and making me realize that this just may have been a good idea.

Signed,

Almost 40

So, He’s Really Not Going To Just Knock On My Door???

I LOVE staying in chilling on the couch watching TV on the weekends!

Shout out to me!!! LOL

My weeks are usually pretty busy & I don't go to bed like normal people so I'm typically worn out by Friday night.

I do like hanging out with my friends and we always have a blast but if they don’t want to hang out I'm like DVR here I come.
If I have 2 weekends in a row home then I usually want to get out…usually LOL!

People always say how are you going to meet somebody if you don’t get out of the house.

My first question… you mean Mr. Right is not going to come to my door? I mean he is supposed to be looking for me duh.

My second question… where do you meet him? The people say church. I don’t miss many Sunday’s and I have NEVER met anyone at church.

When I am out with my friends I can count on one hand literally how many times I have been approached and I would probably have fingers left over.

I’m not aggressive, kind of old fashion…I want someone to approach me. Back in the day that was how it worked. But now people say you have to approach him, buy him a drink. Ummm…

Believe it or not I am shy…I know you are shocked. Not in general but if I am interested in a guy all this coolness you see goes out the window.

On top of my shyness I have a huge fear of rejection! On a scale of 1-10…It’s 1 million!
I know, no one likes to get rejected but it’s a part of life blah, blah, blah…well, I am not about that life.

I know I am almost 40 so something has to change I mean clearly my way isn’t working.

Or I could start ordering regularly from UPS or Fed-Ex and answer the door in my date outfits with mascara and lip gloss until Mr. Right comes knocking. Don’t knock it, it could work.

But seriously I know I need to put my big girl panties on and be more open, take chances, and break-up with my DVR and Netflix. I mean this journey to 40 is about growth. This is going to be hard!

Let’s all pray for me…okay?

Signed,

Almost 40