Tuesday, October 11, 2016

I Need to Free Myself of the Have It All Desire!!

Me 5 days out the 7 day week LOL (minus the degree)
Who in the world put this desire in my head?
Last week was tough at work and this week isn’t shaping up any better. I’m overwhelmed, frustrated etc. and I find when this happens the first thing I ignore is myself. I didn’t work out one time last week and I ate A LOT of crappy food. And when I did finally get home I was still thinking about work so I was up late which means I was exhausted every day. But this is my pattern when my life isn’t going how I think it should I fall into this trap.

 I was scrolling through Instagram (yep it was late and I should have been sleep) and saw this excerpt on xonecole from Devi Brown and I was like OMG this is me. She said:

“As women we don’t give ourselves enough love and care and acceptance. Every day I would wake up feeling like I needed to escape and that’s a terrible feeling to have, wanting to escape but you have no idea to where. I was very restless and through that restlessness I got really sad because everything I thought I was working towards had been paused. I freed myself of that have-it-all desire and mentality because the truth is we’re just people. We’re just human beings. Having it all is not my goal.”

 I can’t begin to tell you how many times I have read this excerpt. It’s actually saved in my phone. It resonated with me more than anything I have read in a long time. And it’s weird because if you remember my last post was about not wanting to come back to my life to stay at my parent’s house forever.
So, many days not all but many I wake up and I just keep saying this is definitely not the life I planned and I know if you want to make God laugh tell him your plans.

I texted a really good friend today because I was upset about the fact that I was chastised by my boss for being a hard worker and helping everybody out with things that are not in my job description…I know crazy right. And she said…well first she asked had I listened to the prayer call and of course I hadn’t and then she said “Step back and remember who the F$#@ you are. Your purpose is bigger than this. Talk to God and give it to him. This is your current chapter for a reason so figure out what God is revealing to you. Woosah and reset. She also added “Don’t apologize for who you are. Keep being true to yourself.” Yep, the flood gates were trying to open LOL!

I think I also find frustration because I keep going to these different things thinking this is it and I don’t think well I know I’m not really listening to God. Devi Brown also talks about meditation and how to dig deeper to learn more about yourself and journaling which I think the blog is helping me with.  I have never tried to meditate my mind is running all the time so I don't seem to do well with just sitting but I have heard people say that is when you can hear God.

So, on this journey there are a lot of things I have said I am working on but I think the two I mentioned here need to be number one and two and I think everything else will fall into place. I have to remember that I’m just a person, just a human being and until I listen to God and really figure out what he has for me I will continue this pattern.

 As, I always say I don’t have the answers nor will this be easy for me but I want to do and I’m definitely going to try. Will I succeed I don’t know but I plan to give it 110%.
Will I have setbacks? Probably! But that's just me being human.

 Until next time,

 Signed Closer to 40 & not Close to Figuring It All Out!

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