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| Do I though??? |
Before you say it I know it’s been a long time but I’m
back finally!!
Here we go…have you ever felt like you were always busy
but you weren’t accomplishing anything? No? It’s just me…well I’ll be.
I am constantly busy, always doing something, always
tired yet I don’t feel like I am doing anything. I am sure I wasted my 20’s and
seems like most of my 30’s worrying about when I was going to get married, when
I was going to have a baby and when I was going to find that perfect job. Yet
here I am literally almost 40 and I don’t feel close to it at all and that
scares me.
I have all these things in my head I want, what I want
to be, what I want to achieve, yet I feel like I’m just out here doing nothing.
I know we are typically our own worst critics but I
feel like I can’t get anything right.
Here are some examples:
· I am doing better working out so you would
think I am getting closer to 40 & Fab not 40 & Fat yet I am still eating
crappy food.
· Have I really did anything to enhance my
dating life…yes I have tried to join a few dating sites but I don’t even think
I have stayed on any for a month one I know for sure I only kept on my phone
for 2 days LOL!
· I do have a new job now and the title is
awesome but do I love it…I don’t know. I enjoy the work but I don’t see myself
there for the long haul.
· Yes, I am involved in some organizations
but am I really a strong part of them…nope.
· I started a new vision board titled “40 and
Fab” but have I finished it…nope!
· I also have a prayer board that has all my
prayer request on it but do I read it daily…nope!
· Last but not least I want to be a blogger
and possibly make a career out of it…yet this is my first blog since MayL.
So, here I am constantly busy always doing something
but doing nothing. So, how do I change it? I have absolutely no clue.
This journey to 40 to me is so important because I have
heard so many women say 40 is so different they feel better, they give no
F&%*# and I want that more than anything.
And at the same time I want to be happy, content, free,
living my life like it’s golden.
I
have 242 days to get it together (yes, I am counting down…I have goals to be
met by 40 so I have to hold myself accountable) 242 days may seem like a long
time away but it’s really not. I swear just yesterday I was graduating from
undergrad so time flies.
I
know it’s all on me and I have to make the change but I am not sure how to get
there. I want to make my 24 hours a day work for me not against me.
I
feel like I have ham no burger, peanut butter no jelly, Kool aid, no sugar. It’s
like I am ½ way there on everything but just can’t get it together to get
there.
I
want to and I know I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me so
basically I just need to get my life.
Never
in a million years in my twenties would I have ever thought that I would be
almost 40 and nowhere close to any of my dreams. But then I also know if you
want to make God laugh tell him your plans. So, I am going to keep working on me
and try to be 100 at something and just wait it out.
Who
am I kidding I am going to keep stressing and worrying and talking to God like
dude what’s up…what are you doing…I’m waiting LOL!
But
hey like I said I am a work in progressJ!
Signed,
Almost
40
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