Monday, September 12, 2016

Do I Really Have As Many Hours In A Day As Beyoncé???

Do I though???
Before you say it I know it’s been a long time but I’m back finally!!

Here we go…have you ever felt like you were always busy but you weren’t accomplishing anything? No? It’s just me…well I’ll be.

I am constantly busy, always doing something, always tired yet I don’t feel like I am doing anything. I am sure I wasted my 20’s and seems like most of my 30’s worrying about when I was going to get married, when I was going to have a baby and when I was going to find that perfect job. Yet here I am literally almost 40 and I don’t feel close to it at all and that scares me.

I have all these things in my head I want, what I want to be, what I want to achieve, yet I feel like I’m just out here doing nothing.

I know we are typically our own worst critics but I feel like I can’t get anything right.

Here are some examples:

·  I am doing better working out so you would think I am getting closer to 40 & Fab not 40 & Fat yet I am still eating crappy food.

·  Have I really did anything to enhance my dating life…yes I have tried to join a few dating sites but I don’t even think I have stayed on any for a month one I know for sure I only kept on my phone for 2 days LOL!

·  I do have a new job now and the title is awesome but do I love it…I don’t know. I enjoy the work but I don’t see myself there for the long haul.

·  Yes, I am involved in some organizations but am I really a strong part of them…nope.

·  I started a new vision board titled “40 and Fab” but have I finished it…nope!

·  I also have a prayer board that has all my prayer request on it but do I read it daily…nope!

·  Last but not least I want to be a blogger and possibly make a career out of it…yet this is my first blog since MayL.

So, here I am constantly busy always doing something but doing nothing. So, how do I change it? I have absolutely no clue.

This journey to 40 to me is so important because I have heard so many women say 40 is so different they feel better, they give no F&%*# and I want that more than anything.

And at the same time I want to be happy, content, free, living my life like it’s golden.

I have 242 days to get it together (yes, I am counting down…I have goals to be met by 40 so I have to hold myself accountable) 242 days may seem like a long time away but it’s really not. I swear just yesterday I was graduating from undergrad so time flies.

I know it’s all on me and I have to make the change but I am not sure how to get there. I want to make my 24 hours a day work for me not against me.

I feel like I have ham no burger, peanut butter no jelly, Kool aid, no sugar. It’s like I am ½ way there on everything but just can’t get it together to get there.

I want to and I know I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me so basically I just need to get my life.

Never in a million years in my twenties would I have ever thought that I would be almost 40 and nowhere close to any of my dreams. But then I also know if you want to make God laugh tell him your plans. So, I am going to keep working on me and try to be 100 at something and just wait it out.

Who am I kidding I am going to keep stressing and worrying and talking to God like dude what’s up…what are you doing…I’m waiting LOL!

But hey like I said I am a work in progressJ!


Almost 40

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