I have a Love/Hate Relationship with Weddings

I know this sounds strange…who hates weddings? 

 Overall I LOVE weddings! I love, love! I love to see my friends find their happily ever after. I am the friend that as soon as one of my friends gets a date I start planning their wedding in my head.

Not having found my happily ever after yet (trying to stay positive) there is a part of me that finds attending weddings hard. Not because I am not happy for my friends, but because it makes me think about my singleness.  

This post was hard for me to write and share because here I am on this quest to love the life I have, but I can’t stop hoping/wishing for the one I envisioned. I have this battle going on with myself...trying to fully commit to love the life I have yet constantly yearning for the one I’ve dreamed about.

I often wonder can they both exist in my head and heart.

I am working daily to stay positive that it will happen one day, but doubt creeps in especially after a wedding.

Before you feel sorry for me or give me the “it will happen” speech I have some progress to share.

Typically, after a wedding or baby shower I have a woe is me moment. Usually, lying in bed all day and eating junk food, but I didn’t do that this time. The next day I went to church, had brunch with friends and just enjoyed my day.

At least now I think my sadness is more like a whisper than a scream.

Signed,

40 and making progress