Am I Going to be Single Forever?

I stepped out of my comfort zone last weekend and went to a speed dating event...I know…go me! I wasn’t confident that my future husband/father of my kids would be there but at least thought I might get a date, so I could wear one of my date dresses. Click here for post about my date dresses.

I felt cute, and I was having a great make-up day, so I was ready to do some speed dating.

We get there, and it’s a room full of women about 40-50 to be exact and a couple of men. I swear at that moment I was hella discouraged. The event could have been amazing had all of us women had some men to speed date with.

I am feeling very hopeless.  I have a couple of dating apps on my phone and the options… well; let’s just say my question stands…Am I going to be single forever?

Before you say it, I know I need to wait on God but I also know he isn’t coming to my front door. Therefore, when attending an event for men and women to meet but only women show up it is very disheartening.

I’m trying hard to stay positive and keep the faith but it’s not looking good.  When I think about my life, I never thought in a million years I would be 40, single and childless. It’s a tough pill to swallow that this could be my reality.

I find myself trying to do more things to fill the void and trying to say it's okay if it doesn’t happen but guess what…it’s not okay.

I could be being a bit dramatic with thinking I’m going to be single forever but it sure feels like it.

I know I can’t predict the future or move God until he’s ready, so I know I just have to wait and be hopeful but today isn’t that day. Maybe next week.

Signed,

Hella Discouraged

My First Hello Fresh Box

Last week I shared with you all how I have been more consistent with working out, but my eating habits SUCK! So, I signed up for meal delivery service from Hello Fresh.

Why did I choose a meal delivery service?

1.       I am a basic cook. My specialties are spaghetti and taco salad and I don’t think I have ever made anything from scratch.

2.       It should save me money. I waste a lot of money weekly because I buy all this crap at the grocery store and it usually ends up in the trash.

3.       End-caps get me every time. Seriously, if you have something you want me to buy put it on an end-cap.

4.       I really hate grocery shopping.

5.       Last, but definitely not least…I want to eat healthier and these meals offer that.

End-Cap Purchase LOL!

Hello Fresh has a few different options to choose from. I chose the classic plan for two people with three recipes per week. The cost is $59.94 a week. That’s roughly $10 per meal. I decided to have a box delivered every other week because I know myself and my life. I am not going to cook three times a week. It would go to waste.  Plus, I like to eat out. Remember #healthynotskinny LOL!

So, let’s get into the meals.

The first meal was Honey Mustard Chicken with Roasted Sweet Potatoes, Zucchini and Onions. I didn’t love this meal. It wasn’t bad I just didn’t love it. With this meal I followed the directions verbatim and I think that’s where I went wrong.

My second meal was Thyme and Honey Pork Chops over Couscous with a Peachy Salad. Y’all, this was so good. It was my first time having couscous and I loved it. I didn’t follow the instructions verbatim this time.  I used everything they sent me, but added more seasonings from my cabinet. I literally couldn’t wait to get home to eat my second meal.

The third meal was Buttered-Up Steak with Roasted Potatoes and Garlicky Green Beans. This was my favorite one. Who knew butter, Dijon mustard and parsley combined makes such a good topping on steak.

My finished product did not look like the picture, but the pictures below show the meals and what comes in the box.

 

Each meal was under 700 calories, the portions are a good size, the produce is fresh and really good cuts of meat. I will be honest, I was satisfied, but I wasn’t like OMG I’m stuffed. Which, I know is a good thing because you are only supposed to eat until you are full. My new box comes on Saturday and I can’t wait.

If you have been thinking about trying it now is your chance. To receive $30 off of your first box click here

Signed,

40 and trying something new

Live, Laugh, Love

I started using #livelaughlove when I turned 40 because it’s how I plan to live the rest of my life.

I have been 40 a little over three months and so far so good. I am really enjoying this thing called life and all it has to offer. I am working on growing my blog by making some improvements (stay tuned). I joined a couple of blogging/writing groups, finally using my resources (other bloggers) and getting out more to network. I have even started back reading just for fun.

 I try to wake up every day with a positive attitude of being thankful that my eyes opened. My prayers are longer every night. A few weeks ago, my bishop preached that we have to start asking for big stuff…things that will shock us, so I’m asking. LOL!

Being a Masterpiece and a Work in Progress

I have decided I can be a masterpiece and a work in progress at the same dang time and its okay.

After my mini woe is me moment last week, I realized something had to give for my sanity. Two weeks ago I did a post about not being hard on myself, yet here I was last week doing that.

So, here is what I have decided:

Some days I am going to be a masterpiece…picture perfect. Other days I will be a hot dramatic mess in progress. I have to believe the masterpiece will eventually win. Maybe when I turn 50 LOL!

Sometimes I have a hard time accepting the fact that I’m human and ish happens. Some days my feelings are all over the place and other days life is perfect.

My guess is some people think I sound crazy, but for right now this is my normal.

With that being said…some weeks you will have positive, upbeat post and other weeks you will have a woe is me post.

I hope you will keep coming along on this journey with me. Think about it every week will be like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get.

Signed,

A 40-year-old Masterpiece & Work in Progress

I have a Love/Hate Relationship with Weddings

I know this sounds strange…who hates weddings? 

 Overall I LOVE weddings! I love, love! I love to see my friends find their happily ever after. I am the friend that as soon as one of my friends gets a date I start planning their wedding in my head.

Not having found my happily ever after yet (trying to stay positive) there is a part of me that finds attending weddings hard. Not because I am not happy for my friends, but because it makes me think about my singleness.  

This post was hard for me to write and share because here I am on this quest to love the life I have, but I can’t stop hoping/wishing for the one I envisioned. I have this battle going on with myself...trying to fully commit to love the life I have yet constantly yearning for the one I’ve dreamed about.

I often wonder can they both exist in my head and heart.

I am working daily to stay positive that it will happen one day, but doubt creeps in especially after a wedding.

Before you feel sorry for me or give me the “it will happen” speech I have some progress to share.

Typically, after a wedding or baby shower I have a woe is me moment. Usually, lying in bed all day and eating junk food, but I didn’t do that this time. The next day I went to church, had brunch with friends and just enjoyed my day.

At least now I think my sadness is more like a whisper than a scream.

Signed,

40 and making progress

Stop Being So Hard On Yourself!

If you have followed my blog, then you know I am claiming my 40^th year and beyond to be better than my thirties. As I have, also said, a lot of growth has to happen to achieve this goal.

Most women, not all have something we would like to change about our self. For me, it’s my weight.

Here’s the deal…I like food a lot, especially cupcakes, so there's a 99.9% chance that I am not going to be skinny. LOL. I am doing better working out and people have even commented that I look like I am losing weight (which I typically brush off). Yep, I need to learn how to take compliments too. Baby steps people. J

Anyhoo…a couple of weeks ago I was going through my old pics on Facebook because I am thinking of going back to my dark hair. My mom doesn’t love it, so I was trying to show her how cute it was. I found the pics below and was like "whoa baby!" These pics are six plus years old and I was shocked. I am currently smaller...which means I have succeeded in keeping the weight off a while. Who knew?

Here I am, always beating myself up about my weight and this is a huge accomplishment. I may not be "high school skinny," but this is and should be a big deal.

I say all of that to say I have to start lifting myself up, noticing my accomplishments and taking compliments. If I want 40 and beyond to be great I have to accept that I am great!  Will it be easy? Probably not. Old habits are hard to break, but I am definitely going to work on it. At the end of the day, we should always be growing; so, being a work in progress isn’t a bad thing. The point is to continue to do the work.

Signed,

40 and doing the work

Am I Walking in the Spirit of Girlfriend?

As you know, I am single and have been for a long time and I’m not sure why. If you know me and/or have read my blog you know it is not by choice.

Before you say it...I know! I know I have to wait on God, but while I am waiting I want to make sure I am ready when he sends me the older version of Kofi Siriboe (better known as Ralph Angel from "Queen Sugar") LOL! 

 I saw a video clip from Pastor John Gray and it has me thinking. In the clip he says “Ask the Lord to make sure you are not walking in the spirit of girlfriend. The Bible says… he that finds a wife, finds a good thing and attains favor. You are not a wife when I marry you; you are a wife when I find you. Wife is not the presence of a ring, but of your character. The reason many men can’t find a wife is because we have too many women walking around with the spirit of a girlfriend. Giving wife benefits to a man that is not going to marry you. Boys play games, men cut covenant. “

Check Out The Clip To Hear More from Pastor Gray

So, the big question…am I walking like a girlfriend instead of showing that I am a wife? Also, if I am walking in the spirit of girlfriend is it because I’m not ready to be a wife?

Understand, I haven’t had a date in forever and a day so I’m not out here giving wife benefits, but this made me think about how I am presenting myself.

What do you all think about this statement from Pastor Gray? Do you agree? Disagree? Am I over thinking this?

Let me know your thoughts!

Signed,

Wondering if I am functioning in the spirit of girlfriend