You Only Get One Life To Live!!



My Goal for 40!!

 

I have been thinking all day…really all week what to blog about this week and I had ideas but I just didn’t feel them enough in my spirit to share. Then Snow Apocalypse 2016 gave me a free day and what does one do on a free day besides watch the DVR and eat…hang out on social media on and off all day.

I saw this post above and I thought that’s it…this is what my whole journey to 40 is for…this is where I want to be.

I think I have said before I feel like I wasted my 20’s and most of my 30’s just trying everything, worrying, stressing and to be honest I am over it. I want true happiness, when I wake up every day I want to be happy about everything. Yes, I will have issues and problems will arise but I want to be that person who can handle them and keep pushing. Not the one that wants to lie under the covers and eat & sleep all day.

I want to enjoy life, live in the moment, and love all of me for simply who God made me!!

But here’s the downside to all of that…it doesn’t happen overnight. Whyyyyyyyy??? These are all things I want to work on, I have to work on. I have heard people say when you get in your 40’s you just get it, it’s great. I want to walk in my 40’s like Beyoncé…see video attached and I just might wear that outfit too :)!

 Click Link To See My 40 Walk!!! 

But I have to work on it…which means all of these 1^st world problems I have to let go and I have to not only say it but believe that God will always work it all out.

So, here we are 476 days out from my 40^th birthday so I have time and I’m going to do it. But don’t expect the Beyoncé walk to soon but believe me its coming!

I do not know everything and I am learning everyday more and more about myself and life in general but what I do know is one day I am going to get it and when I do…you will know because that walk will be right. Again see video attached LOL!

Signed,

Almost 40

I CAN NOT BELIEVE I OWN ONE OF THESE!!!

This isn’t happening…I can’t believe it…It is official I have a planner ughhhhhhh!!!

I am/was so against these things I even talked about people who had one and/or gave them a mean side-eye.

Let me explain…well I’m not sure I can I just know I think it’s so annoying when I’m like hey do you want to grab dinner and someone is like let me see if I’m free. In my head it is a simple yes or no. I feel like that’s so bougie or you are pretending to be important and ain’t nobody got time for that.

So, yes I would give major side-eye or be like OMG are you really that important or do you really have that much to do…girl bye!  

Last year I forgot a lot of stuff and/or double booked and it was  bad so I had to come to terms with the fact that I need a better plan than my memory. Guess almost 40 means memory skills suck!

Some people have commented to me just use your cell phone…yeah that doesn’t work for me because I usually miss the alarm or ignore it and I still forget. So, I bit the bullet and bought a planner…picture attached. And it is already filling up.

I would like to apologize to all the people I talked about and/or side-eyed I didn’t mean it…well I meant it but I didn’t understand. So, for that I am truly sorry. I thought you were pretending to be important. I now know you were just keeping your life in order. Clearly I like to live La Vida Loca LOL!!

Seems the older I get the busier I get which I’m not complaining because busy keeps my mind off of my 1^st World Problems.

This planner is going to make me a better friend, better employee, better committee member, and just a better person overall. I am glad I am growing even if it is something as simple as a planner all growth is good right?  

But FYI if you ask me to do something and I say let me check my planner feel free to talk about me and/or side-eye me…I deserve it.

I am trying really hard just to be a better me in general so if this stupid planner…yes I still think it’s stupid and I hate pulling my planner out in public but if it helps me to get my life in order then I’ll keep using itL.

Signed,

Almost 40

Here it is...the keeper of my life ugh!!

Peace to 2015…My Destiny is waiting!!

I AM NOT making any resolutions for the New Year because I have never ever in life kept one. And let’s be real I know I need to lose weight and eat healthier (these are the common ones) but that is something I should just do a New Year is not going to make me more or less focused. How do I know because it never has. But I’m working on it.

I really thought hard about what I want my 2016 to look like not so much what I am going to do but who will I be. And then it hit me…10 years ago this week I moved here and it was kind of on a whim. I felt like I just wasn’t doing anything in Chattanooga so I needed to go.  I also wanted to work in my major (Mass Communications with an emphasis in Journalism) and it wasn’t happening in Chattanooga.

I applied to places in Atlanta and Nashville and got nothing. Finally I called a newspaper in Gallatin, TN that I had an internship with when I was in undergrad. They were looking for a Crime beat reporter and asked could I come up for an interview and a writing test. I was offered the job and in about a month’s time (if I am remembering correctly…I am almost 40 LOL) I had to find a place to live, fill up an apartment and get started.

Thank God for my family because I was living with my parents so all I had was clothes and shoes they got everything for me and I was off.

My first few years here I felt like I was killing it…I got an MBA, bought a new car, and a house and then it stopped. I feel like ever since I closed on my house I have not  did anything spectacular…nothing to write home about.

I feel like I have spent these last few years trying to see what’s next. I have just been focused on finding a job I LOVE, making enough money to really live, wishing, praying for a date, a boyfriend, a fiancé , a husband, and a baby. It’s like I have missed out on life trying to see what’s next.

So, for 2016 I want to try to just live and enjoy life! Not worry about tomorrow because as we all know nobody knows what tomorrow holds but the man upstairs. I want to just live in the moment…enjoy every moment as if it’s my last. I am just going to follow Jesus and live my journey as it was written.

One of my new favorite songs is by Tina Campbell called Destiny…I am going to put a little snippet below but the video is attached. Please take a few minutes to listen it will bless you.

I've got a vision and a purpose
A divine destiny
It may not look like it right now
But faith ain't what I see
It is the things I hope for
believing that it will come
And no matter how long it takes
I know God's will shall be done

I know there is a vision and purpose for my life and I think I have been trying to force it but I am just going to Let Go, and Let God and it will happen in HIS time!

I’m not saying I am not going to have moments and wonder why it hasn’t happened yet but I am going to work really hard to not focus on it and just enjoy life with my family and friends. Because really what will be, will be. I have been stressing and worrying the last few years and we see what that has got me…LOTS of headaches!

Happy New Year all…I hope your 2016 is everything you hope it will be!

Signed,

Almost 40

Peace to 2015!!! #firstselfieof2016
Destiny by Tina Campbell

CHRISTMAS WAS AWESOME!!

Christmas came and went so fast but I must say it was super duper awesome. As much as getting older bothers me…mainly because I’m not married, no prospects, and no kids that’s kind of a bummer BUT I also value getting older because you grow (or you should) and your wants/needs change for the better I think.

Christmas was fun for me because I was just simply around my family. My dad and I have a competition every year where we see who can pick the best movies and then you get bragging rights for a year. We watched 5 movies over Christmas and I just enjoyed being with my dad.

My mom asked me about 3 times what kind of cake did I want I kept saying I didn’t want one (I don’t need one) she still made me one (yes, my mom is better than yours lol) and I ate A LOT of it. She made us Hobo meals Christmas Eve if you don’t know what they are look them up it will change your life…very easy but delicious. I decided at 7:30pm that I wanted Danish with my mom’s new breakfast dish she was making. My dad quickly said I’ll ride with you…we missed Wal-Mart but found something at Walgreens.

 I got my Christmas pajama’s that I get every year…I am pretty sure I have since I was born.  We sat around all day Christmas in pajamas and ate. It was perfect.

I remember as a kid going through all the books picking out all the toys I wanted and I couldn’t sleep until I was sure I had everything on my list and there wasn’t a year that went by that I didn’t. Awesome parents!

Now, I just enjoy being with my parents, eating a lot, and watching movies. I even got my Dad to watch a Hallmark movie and he enjoyed it.

In addition, I put up a Christmas tree for the first time and I loved it. I decided last year I wanted to put up a tree so my mom the best shopper I know got me everything I would need for the low after Christmas. I even sent out Christmas cards which I never do…if you didn’t get one no worries I got you next year! See pics below.

I LOVE Christmas decorations but before this year I never put them up…I think a part of me kept waiting on this husband and kids but I am trying now to just live and it will all happen in due time. But I would be lying if I said I didn’t wish it would hurry up.

I can’t wait until next Christmas and I plan to have more decorations and more family time.  I think I’m starting to understand life is what you make it so just enjoy it. I am still a work in progress but I’m slowly getting there. I have 499 days to figure it out LOL!

Signed,

Almost 40

What’s Up With The Blog???

So, I have gotten this question a few times…I’m not going to say a lot because it’s not like I have tons of followers but my faithful readers asked and I finally think it’s time for an explanation.

Initially when I stopped doing blog post it was because I was trying to think of a different route to take the blog. As much as I said in the beginning I didn’t want it to… it started to sound like a Woe is Me blog and that was not my goal.

I mean how many ways can you say I’m single, I need a date, I want a boyfriend, I want to get married, and I want kids. Heck I was getting on my nerves.

And as some people suggested three blog post a week is a lot especially when your theme seems to be I NEED A MAN…and yes all caps because that’s all I felt it was saying.

During the time of me trying to figure out a new path I received a call on a Sunday morning from my mom saying they had to take my dad to the emergency room because he couldn’t breathe and they think it is something with his heart.

If you are my friend or even follow me on FB or IG you know I am a daddy’s girl, we talk everyday sometimes twice a day. A call like that is not one I could take well. My mom said no need to come home right now they are running test etc. reluctantly I said okay and tried to go on like normal.

The plan was for a surgery on Wednesday that should be pretty simple. Well, of course I’m stalking my phone all day Wednesday at work. When my mom finally calls she says “it’s worse than they thought and they have him in ICU his heart is very weak and they are placing him on really strong meds”. WTF not the call I was waiting on.

At that point I think my world kind of stopped and nothing matter especially blogging. The thought of losing my daddy was just way to much…I can’t picture my life without my dad so I think at that point everything stopped for me.

And now the hard part…my mom has a nickname for me Drama Queen (I know how inappropriate LOL) and usually they hide stuff from me. So, I knew this was beyond serious because they were telling me but then I knew I had to keep it together or they wouldn’t tell me anything else.

I think I worked so hard on not being “dramatic” or being sad that I couldn’t function so I was just going through the motions. I’m calling my dad daily checking in and it is clear he is not well but I have to act normal because they are sharing information with me so I just kept telling myself…don’t freak out be an adult.

Then I guess about a week later I get called into a meeting with my boss and let’s just say the meeting was not what I expected regarding my work performance and a coworker lied on me and although I had proof my boss didn’t care.

So, here I am internally freaking out about my dad’s health and now I have to freak out about if I am going to have a job. I was like really you have got to be kidding me.

In addition I had guilt because my mom was running around like a chicken with her head cut off and I felt like I should be there to help her. And then I am all in my feelings (internally of course) about my dad and I don’t even think for a while I considered my mom, her feelings, how was she handling it all…my parents have been together since they were 15 years old so as much as I felt like my world stopped hers had to also.

I was literally at a point where I just didn’t know what to do…I wasn’t sleeping or eating and me not eating is a big sign. Every time the phone rang and I saw my mom’s cell number, or my parents’ home number I am pretty sure I stopped breathing.

Seeing my dad sick and trying to be strong was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I literally just wanted to get in a corner and cry but nope happy face. I think I was trying so hard to pretend I wasn’t worried that I couldn’t do anything.  I literally couldn’t function. 

Then at work every day I am stressed because I’m like am I going to get fired today…understand I was working my butt off not taking lunch breaks, working well over 8 plus hours a day. So, in my head I’m killing it so to get called into that meeting was a huge blow.

At the same time I was also stressing because you know everyone is saying have Faith, let go, let God and obviously I was doing none of that so I’m like where is my faith. Then I beat myself up because I’m like it could be so much worse…so far I still have a job and although my dad is really sick I can still talk to him every day and for that I should be thankful.

Fast forward to now…my dad is getting better daily and I think the better he gets the better I feel. My mom sounds rested and I still have a job…for now J!

These past few months have been tough and I honestly think they were tougher because I was trying so hard to be what I’m not. So, here are something's I learned not in any particular order:

1.       3 blog posts a week is too much.

2.       I think everyone knows I’m single and over it so I can discuss more things LOL.

3.       I HAVE got to get this Let Go and Let God thing down.

4.       Understand that whatever is happening not sleeping and eating is not going to fix it.

5.       I thought I was a stress eater but clearly I have never had real stress.

6.       I am dramatic it’s who I am…I am a cry baby so just be that. Holding it in makes me a person I don’t recognize.

7.       I have awesome, amazing, supportive friends in different area codes.

8.       My mom is the strongest person I know and a real life energizer button.

9.       My dad is going to continue to get better…it has been said and it is done.

10.   And the blog is coming back with one post a week maybe two but if you see two know it was something I really had to say!

Signed,

Almost 40

What I Learned At My 20-Year Class Reunion!

My 20-year class reunion was Labor Day weekend and it was a good time…it was so great to catch up with everyone. There were some people who the last time I saw them was graduation day June 1995.

Part of our reunion was touring our old school and we went in classrooms, shared stories, tried to remember who did what, who fought who etc. and laughed until I think we cried.

At the end of that portion I remember thinking I didn’t go to our 10-year class reunion because I felt like I wasn’t where I wanted to be in my life and was afraid of the judgment and/or of being questioned.

As I spent the weekend with my classmates I thought no one really cares if I’m married, if I have kids, if I’m making the big bucks this really is about reminiscing and being thankful that most of us are still here to celebrate.

So, what I learned is that geez get out of my head sometime, stop living in my feelings, and try to enjoy the NOW. No one knows what the future holds (well God) but if I keep living in my feelings and worrying about my future I’m going to miss my right now.

So, another one of my goals for this journey is just to live…now those are 3 simple words but for someone like me it is probably going to be one of the hardest things I will ever try to do.

 I don’t know that I have ever lived in the moment, I am always thinking about my next thing.

But it is worth a shot…to just live and not think about what tomorrow brings because if I’m being really honest tomorrow is not promised to any of us so I need to just enjoy my here and now!

Now, will I do it is the question…I have no idea BUT I’m going to try and that’s all I can do right.

Signed,

Almost 40

The Next 7 Days!

I was scrolling through the channels and got to OWN and saw Iyanla Vanzant and there was an audience of men and women and they were discussing relationships and why men & women do what they do. I am pretty sure it was a re-run but I stayed on the channel and she gave the  women in the audience a goal.

It was an Aha moment for me…I have heard that I don’t look approachable, I don’t smile, flirt etc. well heck not sure I know how and to me just randomly smiling makes me look crazy and what if he is like Ughh. I can’t handle that.

Iyanla told all the ladies for the next 7 days to smile,  and speak to every man they see…basically saying it will not kill you.

As I heard that I was like hmmm can I do that…and self was like well you are on this journey to 40 try it and see what happens.

So, I’m going to try it and I know to everybody reading this you probably think I am crazy and/or think that is easy but I have told y’all I am shy and rejection OMG I can’t.

But I’m going to try and smile, speak and maybe even start a conversation…yeah probably not the conversation part but hopefully my smiling will get one started.

So, I need all my Real Saints to pray for me…if you are around two other people I need all 3 of y’all to touch and agree that I got this.

I’ll keep you posted and if I don’t know that I have not turned my frown upside down LOL!

Signed,

Almost 40