58 DAYS OMG!!!

Beware this is a woe is me post LOL!

I am less than 2 months away from the BIG 4-0 and all I feel is bleh! I started this blog almost 2 years ago and it was in anticipation of this big day and as we are super close I got nothing.

I’m not sure what I expected…well, yes I do, I thought I would be married or close. Have a baby or in the process, working in a career I love or at least one that when I have a bad day I can go shopping and not have to worry about my bank account. I thought my blog would be booming, I would have followers who I interact with regularly and we would have started a whole community on loving the lives we have not the one we envisioned. I would be on my way to making my blog profitable and maybe just maybe somebody famous would have given me a shout out and following me.

Do You Ever Feel Guilty For Having a Lazy Day?

Am I though?

This past weekend was crazy busy in addition as I shared last week I haven’t really been sleeping well so I was exhausted. I was off Monday and I literally did not do a thing. I barely ate.

I had an event I really wanted to go to and really felt like I needed to be there. I had loads of laundry to do, and some other things I needed to do (I will not share those things because I will be judged LOL) yet I did nothing. I slept and watched TV.

But for some reason I felt super guilty like I should have been productive and it’s strange. It’s not like this is the first time I have had a lazy day but for some weird reason on Monday the guilt was real.

Stress is the Devil!!

Me All Day LOL!

I know that yet I continue to let it run my life. The crazy part is I know it doesn’t have to.

I went home this past weekend...trips home always make me remember that my life doesn’t really suck and I can really enjoy life! I enjoy spending time with my crazy parents…they really should have their own reality show. I sleep better, my mind seems to be at ease, and I just have a good time.

It’s as if for those couple of days I don’t live in reality and/or I know how to forget about my reality and just enjoy life. So, the big question is why the hell can’t I do that daily???

The fact is my life does not suck, actually it is a pretty good life overall…I have some first world problems but I am sure if I took a survey there are so many people dealing with the same crap I am yet they don’t let it take them down.

I looked up symptoms of stress and below are a few that I experience:

"This is Us" Has Me Trying to Get Back On Track AGAIN!!

Things I'm Trying to Grasp:

• Life will have crappy moments but they will not kill you
• Some people are mean just because
• Some people find joy in ruining yours
• You have to learn how to create your own happy
• Misery loves company
• People's opinions of me shouldn't mean SH&#
• People are stupid (not all but some)
• Laughing is always good
• I really need to stop giving AF
• I can't control anyone but myself
• God has my back regardless
• Getting older isn't a bad thing because the alternative kind of sucks

There are many more but I think you get the point. "This is Us" has to be one of the best shows right now on TV and this week I cried until I had a headache, nose running, eyes swollen it was bad.

What I realized as I went about my day yesterday is that part of the crying was the show but the other part was how I'm feeling about where I am right now in my life and what is going on around me. I am almost 40 years old and still trying to find a good happy. Still letting small things get to me, letting people ruin my day, week etc. and it has to stop.

Today is Valentine's Day & I'm Still Alive!

I really mean it!

I can't believe it...it's love day and it didn't kill me. Today is a BIG day for some...the day of love, the day your boo/bae treats you really special and in addition you get flowers, candy, dinner etc.

In case you are super confused for years and I mean years I have not had a Valentine and so I HATED this holiday.

This day use to make me so sad...I mean I hated seeing all of the decorations in the stores, the sappy commercials etc. But this year is different.

I'm not sad, I'm not mad...indifferent maybe? I don't know how to explain it I just know I'm okay.

Don't get me wrong I'm not trying to act like Valentine's Day shouldn't be a BIG deal and I think if you have someone you absolutely should celebrate it. Best believe if/when I get boo we are definitely celebrating it to the max LOL!

But what I am saying is today I'm not sad, I don't hate love day, I even have on red and I know for sure my life will not end because I don't have a Valentine's Day Date. I mean let's be honest if it was I would have been out of here years ago :)!

This may seem small to some people but for me it's big because it shows I'm growing a little and I also understand this is what we call a first world problem and I'm going to be okay with or without a Valentine.

BUT...let me put this out there so nobody can come back to this post and say but you said you were okay. Whenever this boo thang comes I want EVERYTHANG....YES EVERYTHANG. I want candy, flowers, balloons, dinner, Tiffany's and Pandora. I mean he has to make-up for all of the years I missed right? LOL!

Seriously, I hope everyone enjoys their Valentine's Day however you plan to celebrate it and I promise I will like all the lovey dovey post and will not have any bad thoughts!

Signed,
Almost 40 and Survived Valentine's Day

Sooo...About This Self-Care Thing!

Self-Care is one of those hot words now and I am pretty sure I am doing it all wrong! In my head self-care, is laying in the bed watching Netflix, Hulu, or my DVR and eating really bad food. I don’t think that’s what it means.

My brain is always on 1000 worrying about something or someone and my patience level stays at a negative 1000 and it is all mostly self-inflicted I really need to chill out.

Not saying 40 is old but as you get older you must do better with taking care of yourself before your body does it for you.

Yesterday everything annoyed me…I literally wanted to run away, change my name and never look back. Dramatic…I know LOL!

I never totally feel at peace…so, I decided to first look up what exactly is self-care.

 Self-care is care provided “for you, by you.” It's about identifying your own needs and taking steps to meet them. It is taking the time to do some of the activities that nurture you. Self-care is about taking proper care of yourself and treating yourself as kindly as you treat others.

It’s Official…This is MY Year!

Well, it’s 2017 and I was born in 1977 so the time has come (as if you didn’t know) I turn 40 this year. Insert screams, claps, and rounds of applause please and thank you.  Me all 2017 video below LOL! And yes I will be performing a part of this in a leotard on May 13, 2017 😄!

In addition it’s my first post of the year so here we go…New Year, New Me… NOT!!

If you have been following my blog then you know I have been working on myself for quite some time so a new year is just that a new year.

This whole journey and after is all about growth for me. Life throws you punches all the time but it is how you handle them is what matters. And I will admit I don’t handle all of the punches to well.

And to keep it real some of the stuff I am working on will happen and some might not. But what I did figure out is it took me almost 40 years to get to this place of acknowledgment so it’s probably going to take a while to master it all.