"This is Us" Has Me Trying to Get Back On Track AGAIN!!

Things I'm Trying to Grasp:

• Life will have crappy moments but they will not kill you
• Some people are mean just because
• Some people find joy in ruining yours
• You have to learn how to create your own happy
• Misery loves company
• People's opinions of me shouldn't mean SH&#
• People are stupid (not all but some)
• Laughing is always good
• I really need to stop giving AF
• I can't control anyone but myself
• God has my back regardless
• Getting older isn't a bad thing because the alternative kind of sucks

There are many more but I think you get the point. "This is Us" has to be one of the best shows right now on TV and this week I cried until I had a headache, nose running, eyes swollen it was bad.

What I realized as I went about my day yesterday is that part of the crying was the show but the other part was how I'm feeling about where I am right now in my life and what is going on around me. I am almost 40 years old and still trying to find a good happy. Still letting small things get to me, letting people ruin my day, week etc. and it has to stop.



I have to stop caring so much...I have to understand that life goes on no matter what.

I think about my future a lot (probably to much) but I know when I get old and it’s all said and done I want to know that overall I lived a good life, I was good to people, and myself. Maybe I didn’t do everything right but I did a lot right (I hope). And overall I just enjoyed living. I’ve said it a 100 times and I know you are tired of reading it but I really want to go into 40 different but I know it is not going to happen overnight. Fear keeps a lot of that from happening and that is a post in itself!

I took a lot of things from this weeks episode but my favorite line was when William told Randall "Roll all the windows down, crank up the music, grow out that fro. Let someone else make the bed." He was basically telling Randall to just live, he's worked hard he deserves the life he has and he should just enjoy. Stop overthinking.

That hit me hard because he’s right (I’m not as bad as Randall yet) but I do get wound up/frustrated A LOT. When work goes bad, things go on with my family, or I have time to realize I'm almost 40, single, and childless I don't handle it well at all. I deal with it by not being good to myself i.e. eating terrible, not working out, or just wanting to lay in the bed and be myself. In those moments I forget the important stuff, things I should be thankful for I am just in straight woe is me mode.

So, I’m going to try to breathe more, roll my windows down, and blast ratchet rap music whenever I see myself going down the crazy path!

Signed,

Almost 40 and Trying to Breathe!