I Really Am Thankful!!

The last couple of post have been a bit woe is me and I totally understand that all of my issues, complaints are pretty much first world problems so I decided for this week to talk about what I'm thankful for.  My life really isn't that bad it's just not working out how I hoped/planned it would. And I know if you want to make God laugh tell him your plans!

Here are just a few things I am thankful for:

Get It Wrong Until You Get It Right!

No Clue!

As we are getting closer and closer to my 40^th birthday…you know the one I have been building up for some time now I kind of feel like dang I suck. Have I accomplished any of the goals I set out? Not really except for being consistent with my blog kind of.

This body is not the one I planned to go into 40 with but looks like I am. I didn’t still plan on putting my hands up when I hear All the Single Ladies. I hoped to know more about the adoption process, saving money, agencies that will help etc. because 40 year old eggs are different than 20 year old eggs. And I sure as heck thought I would have a job that I  like.

58 DAYS OMG!!!

Beware this is a woe is me post LOL!

I am less than 2 months away from the BIG 4-0 and all I feel is bleh! I started this blog almost 2 years ago and it was in anticipation of this big day and as we are super close I got nothing.

I’m not sure what I expected…well, yes I do, I thought I would be married or close. Have a baby or in the process, working in a career I love or at least one that when I have a bad day I can go shopping and not have to worry about my bank account. I thought my blog would be booming, I would have followers who I interact with regularly and we would have started a whole community on loving the lives we have not the one we envisioned. I would be on my way to making my blog profitable and maybe just maybe somebody famous would have given me a shout out and following me.

Do You Ever Feel Guilty For Having a Lazy Day?

Am I though?

This past weekend was crazy busy in addition as I shared last week I haven’t really been sleeping well so I was exhausted. I was off Monday and I literally did not do a thing. I barely ate.

I had an event I really wanted to go to and really felt like I needed to be there. I had loads of laundry to do, and some other things I needed to do (I will not share those things because I will be judged LOL) yet I did nothing. I slept and watched TV.

But for some reason I felt super guilty like I should have been productive and it’s strange. It’s not like this is the first time I have had a lazy day but for some weird reason on Monday the guilt was real.

Stress is the Devil!!

Me All Day LOL!

I know that yet I continue to let it run my life. The crazy part is I know it doesn’t have to.

I went home this past weekend...trips home always make me remember that my life doesn’t really suck and I can really enjoy life! I enjoy spending time with my crazy parents…they really should have their own reality show. I sleep better, my mind seems to be at ease, and I just have a good time.

It’s as if for those couple of days I don’t live in reality and/or I know how to forget about my reality and just enjoy life. So, the big question is why the hell can’t I do that daily???

The fact is my life does not suck, actually it is a pretty good life overall…I have some first world problems but I am sure if I took a survey there are so many people dealing with the same crap I am yet they don’t let it take them down.

I looked up symptoms of stress and below are a few that I experience:

"This is Us" Has Me Trying to Get Back On Track AGAIN!!

Things I'm Trying to Grasp:

• Life will have crappy moments but they will not kill you
• Some people are mean just because
• Some people find joy in ruining yours
• You have to learn how to create your own happy
• Misery loves company
• People's opinions of me shouldn't mean SH&#
• People are stupid (not all but some)
• Laughing is always good
• I really need to stop giving AF
• I can't control anyone but myself
• God has my back regardless
• Getting older isn't a bad thing because the alternative kind of sucks

There are many more but I think you get the point. "This is Us" has to be one of the best shows right now on TV and this week I cried until I had a headache, nose running, eyes swollen it was bad.

What I realized as I went about my day yesterday is that part of the crying was the show but the other part was how I'm feeling about where I am right now in my life and what is going on around me. I am almost 40 years old and still trying to find a good happy. Still letting small things get to me, letting people ruin my day, week etc. and it has to stop.

Today is Valentine's Day & I'm Still Alive!

I really mean it!

I can't believe it...it's love day and it didn't kill me. Today is a BIG day for some...the day of love, the day your boo/bae treats you really special and in addition you get flowers, candy, dinner etc.

In case you are super confused for years and I mean years I have not had a Valentine and so I HATED this holiday.

This day use to make me so sad...I mean I hated seeing all of the decorations in the stores, the sappy commercials etc. But this year is different.

I'm not sad, I'm not mad...indifferent maybe? I don't know how to explain it I just know I'm okay.

Don't get me wrong I'm not trying to act like Valentine's Day shouldn't be a BIG deal and I think if you have someone you absolutely should celebrate it. Best believe if/when I get boo we are definitely celebrating it to the max LOL!

But what I am saying is today I'm not sad, I don't hate love day, I even have on red and I know for sure my life will not end because I don't have a Valentine's Day Date. I mean let's be honest if it was I would have been out of here years ago :)!

This may seem small to some people but for me it's big because it shows I'm growing a little and I also understand this is what we call a first world problem and I'm going to be okay with or without a Valentine.

BUT...let me put this out there so nobody can come back to this post and say but you said you were okay. Whenever this boo thang comes I want EVERYTHANG....YES EVERYTHANG. I want candy, flowers, balloons, dinner, Tiffany's and Pandora. I mean he has to make-up for all of the years I missed right? LOL!

Seriously, I hope everyone enjoys their Valentine's Day however you plan to celebrate it and I promise I will like all the lovey dovey post and will not have any bad thoughts!

Signed,
Almost 40 and Survived Valentine's Day