The Real World Sucks And I Don’t Mean The MTV Show!!!

I'm getting my jelly back dang it!!

 

Let’s be honest…the real world sucks a lot! As kids we couldn’t wait to be adults and now we would give anything to go back.

I had the opportunity to truly escape from the real world this past weekend to celebrate a friend and hang with some awesome ladies. It was true black girl magic at its finest.

I would be lying if I said I didn’t think about my reality a few times but overall I was all in for this escape.

Calories didn’t count this weekend…I mean one day I had a cupcake and ice cream before lunch now that is living the good life.

I took my shorts and cover-up off with no hesitation…swimsuit only and was okay with it. When I sat down all of my rolls were on display but I didn’t feel self-conscious at all I was just enjoying myself.

If you know me I am rhythm less nation but I shared my moves all weekend LOL!

It was one of those times where I really felt like for once I was living in the moment and that is my biggest goal in this journey to 40.

The black girl magic I experienced this weekend has no doubt made me a better person. Being in the presence of all of these amazing women has pushed me to do better in all aspects of my life.

We laughed until it hurt, we may or may not have shed a tear or two (at the end though LOL). It was exactly what I needed.

Real life sucks…not all of the time but a lot of the time so to escape is priceless.

Now as you are reading this I’m probably sitting at my desk nerves on 1000 because of these 50/11 emails I have and the amount of work to be accomplished today and I’m not happy. BUT I have memories of the past weekend to go back to. Life doesn’t always suck there is fun to be had I just have to find it.

As I continue on this journey to 40 I really am beginning to see that life is really what you make of it. You can sit in the house all the time alone or you can get up, get out, and get something don’t let the days of your life pass by. Well, that’s just what I’m going to do and if I fall back into that place which is highly possible…I have enough black girl magic around  to keep me going.

Signed,

Almost 40

What Is My Definition Of Success?

I'm on my way...I think/I hope!!

I was asked to answer this question a few weeks ago and I have really been thinking about it and I think I finally have it. But if you have followed my blog for a while you know there is a story coming…I can’t just simply give a 1-2 sentence response LOL!

In my 20’s I think well I know success to me was balling, making it rain at the mall (I do not think those words were out in my 20’s but no clue what the cool lingo was back then J) but you get my point. All I thought about or cared about was making money…I had a few, maybe several jobs in my 20’s because I wanted to make a lot of money I didn’t care about the job itself I just wanted  to shop when I wanted to, eat out whenever, etc.

Then the early 30’s hit and success to me was being a wife and mother. It consumed my life and made me feel like my life sucked because I wasn’t that. To me that is where I was supposed to be. I lived La Vida Loca in my 20’s and now it was time to settle I mean doesn’t everyone do that in their 30’s. And since I wasn’t there or even close I felt like a loser for lack of a better word.

So, here we are now in my late 30’s and I think I know what I want success to look like for me. Success to me is being a great daughter, an awesome aunt, a cool sister, and a fantastic friend. 

Years ago I was watching this episode of Oprah and this lady said she wrote her own obituary and she wasn’t really pleased with it so she worked on being a different person.

Right now at this point if I wrote my obituary I’m not sure what it would say and I’m not sure it would all be great. When I leave this earth I don’t want my friends and family to struggle to find good things to say about me or to leave a lot out.

You know you have been to those funerals where people struggle to find the right words because that person sucked!  I want my friends and family to be able to say she made this world a better place while she was here and I am glad she was in my life.

Understand I would be lying if I said I still didn’t want to make it rain in Louis Vuitton one day but I would also like to make it rain at a homeless shelter.  

I also still want to be a mother and wife but my goal is not to let that define my success but to make that an addition to my success. I may not ever be a wife but I have plans to become a mother maybe not naturally but adoption is there and when that happens I will be the best mother I can be…thankfully I have an awesome role model. Shout out to my momma.

At the end of the day I think we all can define success however we want I think you just have to figure out what works for you and what is going to make you happy. And I am not mad if success to you is making it rain in LA down Rodeo Drive but just take me with you LOL!

How do you define success?

Signed,

Almost 40

Three Words I Thought I Would Never Say!!

Hope It's a Great One!

Happy Valentine’s Day!! If you know me and /or have followed me on social media you know I am usually the Grinch who stole Valentine’s Day but not this year.

In addition to today being Valentine’s Day I am also going to a baby shower… attending a baby shower on the biggest couple holiday of the year would typically make me the queen of woe is me!

But not today I am okay… In the words of Nivea’ song “Okay” I am feeling good, feeling great, I look good, don’t hate! Granted no one is hating on me but it is a part of the song LOL!

Today, I’m happy…I’m not sad because I’m single and dateless I’m genuinely happy. Of course there are things I am concerned about but overall life isn’t bad so I am not going to spend this day being a Grinch.

I even have on red to really make a statement…usually I wear all black to really show my misery.

This may seem small to some people but it’s big for me…I have hated this holiday for years and I have the Facebook posts to show it. I mean sat in my house super sad…roughly sad 2 weeks in February so the fact that I’m not on February 14, 2016 I am proud of me and patting myself on the back.

I am a work in progress and as I continue in this journey I am learning that life really is what you make it and I want to make mine happy.  I would be lying if I said I didn’t hope/pray one day that I will be celebrating Valentine’s Day with a boo and maybe even a kid but this one I am celebrating with some awesome friends and that’s totally okay.

Now, let’s be clear because I do not want judgment later…there very well maybe a woe is me day in the near future…I’m human! So, continue to pray for me on this journey!

I hope everyone enjoys their Valentine’s Day and whatever it brings you…I’m definitely going to enjoy mine. Might even treat myself to a nice dinner!

Signed,

Almost 40

I use to hate February but now I don’t!!

Sing the title to the beat of Lauryn Hill & Mary J Blige’s “I use to love him” LOL!

If you are a friend, family member or have followed me on social media the last several years you know I despise February.

If you aren’t sure exactly how I feel about it…this clip pretty much sums it up! Click here to see how I feel about this stupid holiday!

I totally get it…its black history month & two of my favorite people in the world were born in February...my daddy and my nephew!

But that stupid holiday is also in February...que the violin... VALENTINES DAY!!

And because of that for more years than I care to admit I have hated this month. I haven't had a Valentine or a stupid date on this day in years. So, when I walk in every freaking store and it looks like Valentine’s Day has thrown up I'm like UGHHH!!

BUT now I am almost 40 and I'm supposed to be growing and embracing life so this year I'm going to love February...treat myself to a nice gift, go out and buy me some flowers and be THANKFUL  that my daddy and my nephew are here celebrating another birthday.

Now I would be lying if I said I didn't want a Valentine but this year I'm going to do my best to not dwell on it and live in my feelings. This year I want to acknowledge that it sucks because I'm single yet again but move on. Not be sad for the next couple of weeks.

I still may or may not do a big side eye when I walk in Target or Walmart and all I see is red, pink, hearts, and bears, oh my…hey I'm human and I'm allowed to have a moment. They key is not to live in it and that's my goal this month.

And who knows maybe next year this post will be totally different...I just may have a date and/or a Valentine!!! A girl can dream right!!

Signed,
Almost 40

You Only Get One Life To Live!!



My Goal for 40!!

 

I have been thinking all day…really all week what to blog about this week and I had ideas but I just didn’t feel them enough in my spirit to share. Then Snow Apocalypse 2016 gave me a free day and what does one do on a free day besides watch the DVR and eat…hang out on social media on and off all day.

I saw this post above and I thought that’s it…this is what my whole journey to 40 is for…this is where I want to be.

I think I have said before I feel like I wasted my 20’s and most of my 30’s just trying everything, worrying, stressing and to be honest I am over it. I want true happiness, when I wake up every day I want to be happy about everything. Yes, I will have issues and problems will arise but I want to be that person who can handle them and keep pushing. Not the one that wants to lie under the covers and eat & sleep all day.

I want to enjoy life, live in the moment, and love all of me for simply who God made me!!

But here’s the downside to all of that…it doesn’t happen overnight. Whyyyyyyyy??? These are all things I want to work on, I have to work on. I have heard people say when you get in your 40’s you just get it, it’s great. I want to walk in my 40’s like Beyoncé…see video attached and I just might wear that outfit too :)!

 Click Link To See My 40 Walk!!! 

But I have to work on it…which means all of these 1^st world problems I have to let go and I have to not only say it but believe that God will always work it all out.

So, here we are 476 days out from my 40^th birthday so I have time and I’m going to do it. But don’t expect the Beyoncé walk to soon but believe me its coming!

I do not know everything and I am learning everyday more and more about myself and life in general but what I do know is one day I am going to get it and when I do…you will know because that walk will be right. Again see video attached LOL!

Signed,

Almost 40

I CAN NOT BELIEVE I OWN ONE OF THESE!!!

This isn’t happening…I can’t believe it…It is official I have a planner ughhhhhhh!!!

I am/was so against these things I even talked about people who had one and/or gave them a mean side-eye.

Let me explain…well I’m not sure I can I just know I think it’s so annoying when I’m like hey do you want to grab dinner and someone is like let me see if I’m free. In my head it is a simple yes or no. I feel like that’s so bougie or you are pretending to be important and ain’t nobody got time for that.

So, yes I would give major side-eye or be like OMG are you really that important or do you really have that much to do…girl bye!  

Last year I forgot a lot of stuff and/or double booked and it was  bad so I had to come to terms with the fact that I need a better plan than my memory. Guess almost 40 means memory skills suck!

Some people have commented to me just use your cell phone…yeah that doesn’t work for me because I usually miss the alarm or ignore it and I still forget. So, I bit the bullet and bought a planner…picture attached. And it is already filling up.

I would like to apologize to all the people I talked about and/or side-eyed I didn’t mean it…well I meant it but I didn’t understand. So, for that I am truly sorry. I thought you were pretending to be important. I now know you were just keeping your life in order. Clearly I like to live La Vida Loca LOL!!

Seems the older I get the busier I get which I’m not complaining because busy keeps my mind off of my 1^st World Problems.

This planner is going to make me a better friend, better employee, better committee member, and just a better person overall. I am glad I am growing even if it is something as simple as a planner all growth is good right?  

But FYI if you ask me to do something and I say let me check my planner feel free to talk about me and/or side-eye me…I deserve it.

I am trying really hard just to be a better me in general so if this stupid planner…yes I still think it’s stupid and I hate pulling my planner out in public but if it helps me to get my life in order then I’ll keep using itL.

Signed,

Almost 40

Here it is...the keeper of my life ugh!!

Peace to 2015…My Destiny is waiting!!

I AM NOT making any resolutions for the New Year because I have never ever in life kept one. And let’s be real I know I need to lose weight and eat healthier (these are the common ones) but that is something I should just do a New Year is not going to make me more or less focused. How do I know because it never has. But I’m working on it.

I really thought hard about what I want my 2016 to look like not so much what I am going to do but who will I be. And then it hit me…10 years ago this week I moved here and it was kind of on a whim. I felt like I just wasn’t doing anything in Chattanooga so I needed to go.  I also wanted to work in my major (Mass Communications with an emphasis in Journalism) and it wasn’t happening in Chattanooga.

I applied to places in Atlanta and Nashville and got nothing. Finally I called a newspaper in Gallatin, TN that I had an internship with when I was in undergrad. They were looking for a Crime beat reporter and asked could I come up for an interview and a writing test. I was offered the job and in about a month’s time (if I am remembering correctly…I am almost 40 LOL) I had to find a place to live, fill up an apartment and get started.

Thank God for my family because I was living with my parents so all I had was clothes and shoes they got everything for me and I was off.

My first few years here I felt like I was killing it…I got an MBA, bought a new car, and a house and then it stopped. I feel like ever since I closed on my house I have not  did anything spectacular…nothing to write home about.

I feel like I have spent these last few years trying to see what’s next. I have just been focused on finding a job I LOVE, making enough money to really live, wishing, praying for a date, a boyfriend, a fiancé , a husband, and a baby. It’s like I have missed out on life trying to see what’s next.

So, for 2016 I want to try to just live and enjoy life! Not worry about tomorrow because as we all know nobody knows what tomorrow holds but the man upstairs. I want to just live in the moment…enjoy every moment as if it’s my last. I am just going to follow Jesus and live my journey as it was written.

One of my new favorite songs is by Tina Campbell called Destiny…I am going to put a little snippet below but the video is attached. Please take a few minutes to listen it will bless you.

I've got a vision and a purpose
A divine destiny
It may not look like it right now
But faith ain't what I see
It is the things I hope for
believing that it will come
And no matter how long it takes
I know God's will shall be done

I know there is a vision and purpose for my life and I think I have been trying to force it but I am just going to Let Go, and Let God and it will happen in HIS time!

I’m not saying I am not going to have moments and wonder why it hasn’t happened yet but I am going to work really hard to not focus on it and just enjoy life with my family and friends. Because really what will be, will be. I have been stressing and worrying the last few years and we see what that has got me…LOTS of headaches!

Happy New Year all…I hope your 2016 is everything you hope it will be!

Signed,

Almost 40

Peace to 2015!!! #firstselfieof2016
Destiny by Tina Campbell